Adaptability. Be Positive. Strength. Help

I may be working on a new blog, but this space will always remain as my favourite. It is THE place where all of my life journey is penned down. Such a good feeling to recall the wonders of my days in the University. 

Well, years later, here I am. Back to this old space after figuring out what was the email and password to login. The past one month was very challenging for me as I started my On-Job-Training with a new department at work, became a single mom as hubby was away AND turning the big 3-0. Of course, nothing was set in stone and up until now, I am uncertain of how to manage all these life changing events.

Adaptability.

My teacher once said, she can simply push me into a crowd of people and I will know how to mingle. Such was the confidence of a teacher. To my defense, NO. I can't swim in a pool where I don't know what the depth of the water is. I can barely swim just to get me across and not drown. It was so stressful to think of how to adapt in a new environment. All the thoughts of people's perspective of me kind of linger in my head for quite some time. I did make the decision to do this OJT, but really I'm trying to tell myself that I'm not ready for this just yet. That I need to delay and give excuses for this delay. What I do know was, this is a GOOD opportunity for me to step out of my comfort zone and learn something new. Oh com'on, it's Geophysics! Who am I kidding, right? This gal has no Geophysics background! I keep telling myself that I need to tackle my fear and try to swim. I have to adapt. I have to be a chameleon and blend in. 

Be Positive.

So a month has passed and there are so many things that I can say about the changes that took place. But one thing very certain is, I became a positive person. I believe that a lot of things can happen and I am in charge of making it happen. They are not just small talks or ideas. I can actually turn them into a reality, I guess in this case, a project. Worthy of my time and effort and the learning curves are pretty demn steep. I think we can complain. We should allow ourselves to complain and whine when things are not in our favour. But always turn the table upside down and read between the line. Every cloud has a silver lining. Am harnessing the positivity from the environment I am in. 

Strength.

You don't know your strength until being strong is the only option. Oh dear, being a single parent, even if for 10 days, is very very very tough. Maybe my parenting skills need sharpening or just my baby is more cranky with just Mommy around. Gosh! Day 1 was so miserable that I feel like crying alone in the bathroom. I punished myself and what's worst is, I punished my baby by ignoring him at some point in time. I gave in to Youtube and ate fast food and gave empty promises to my baby. I took time to shower under the context of "Me Time". At one point, it was dreadful to think of going home. It was not healthy. But when I look back, I just want to praise all the single parent out there for being strong. I'm strong and each of the things that happened just make me stronger and more calm to face it the next day as I already know what to anticipate with each of his tantrum. 

Help.

Of course, part of me is also saying I am strong and I can brave this on my own. Just that, there is nothing wrong in seeking for help. Maybe I was too scared to admit that. My mom called and she said she is coming over to help. Such a big relief. Then my cousin decided to tag along to keep my mom company. Wow, what a difference that make. I still do all my usual chores on my own and we didn't even cook everyday, but just the house was lively and it was nice to have company. Maybe if my mom didn't come, I would be talking crazy already by now. The company kept me alive. 

-- rentetan hidupku untuk sebulan ini--

Old but GOLD

Tonight, I went through my old pictures, recently recovered from my crashed Macbook, and memories start to fly in. This and that. It makes me sob a little, but you know what? I just told myself, deep down I am still the same person I was that many years ago. Always the curious, always the crazy and of course, always the passionate one. Yes, the travel bit never stops, but it took a different path now that I have my little one. For what it is worth, I would not change for the world! Remember that. 

Behold 2016!

I never knew I could access my blog via my laptop! I'm so happy. I do think 2016 will be such a good luck to me as I actually considering to continue writing. The thing is, I may wanna close this blog and start a new one which is more focused on things that I like, rather than a mumbo jumbo of things that even you find it hard to find. Anyways, I haven't fully make that commitment. I will make the announcement. I'm thinking of a lifestyle blog for my 2016 hobby. We shall see!

Motherhood talk

When it comes to feeding your baby, you have three choices: breastfeeding, formula milk or mixed the two. I chose the former. Little did I know it is a hard work! I admire those who were able to nurse their baby until 2 years old, especially when you have a full time job. I have my support group at work and a cousin who is an advocate for this. From them, I believe this is possible! Sometimes I do have that thought of would not it be easier to give formula milk, especially when you are out and about. That thoughts lingers in my head for quite a bit. I guess I was looking for a shortcut, but who wouldn't? For now, I'm trying my best. But between that long minutes (it seems so!!) of pumping and nursing, I do find a silver lining that is I get some time for myself :) 

To go there

I can only dream for now but hey, it is a long time dream of mine to travel to these places. It seems some of my friends are going to these places and that makes me all jelly belly! I better make a bucket wish list of the places I dream to go so that I can stare at it and day dream over and over. LOL

In no particular order:

1. Santorini, Greece

2. Patagonia, Chile

3. Croatia

4. Switzerland

5. Alaska

6. Zanzibar, Tanzania

7. Serengeti, Tanzania

8. Jordan

I still have that 7 wonders of the world checklist going on...

One fine day eh?? Imma work hard from now on 😁

Must write me blog!

Back in those days, I blogged at night until at one point, I don't mind sleeping late! Not to mention, I had to wake up at 5.30am daily as I lived rather far from KLCC and commuting took time. Anyways, days turned into months, I moved to a closer to work condominium with a bunch of crazee awesome housemates. What cut the frap is the internet connection to my Celcom broadband was so poor! That kills the mood; thus, you no longer see frequent posts after March 2011. Then, to top that off, I accidently deleted my email as the author of this blog...I really don't know I was doing that until it happened. Now, I can only blog via phone. Sigh. Ok, thats my tell tale. My point here is, I have so many things I feel like writing but time and space is putting me on hold. I wish for that long nights I don't mind spending again. Anyways, I want to make a point of keeping this blog. It has been with me since 2007 and I shared a lot here. My late uncle once told me, "write a blog, it will be your diary. When you are old, this is your safekeeping of all the memories you had 'cause you may forget it already." You know, now that he left us all, I think was he said is true, because I can still read his writings and remember his stories. Even in his old days when he had stroke and incapable of doing things on his own, he had left something for people to read and know about him. I guess to a certain degree, yes it holds true. 

So here again, I'm telling myself...make some time to pen down things here. I may not have readers as much as I used to do, but it's okay. It serves for me :) 

 

Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin from me and my family (including my crying baby) ❤️

p/s: I look mak-mak now

Life, as we know it

There will come a day when you will be like me, a wife and a mother. A day that has showed me what it meant to love and be loved. How come somebody so small have so much love in their heart? I never cease to believe in that. It was never a smooth ride, but the sweet ending is always a blessing. 

But the heart wants what it wants. It mellows down to the slightest heart ache, let alone to tears. Day in and day out, I remind myself that you don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only option. 

Family comes first, even for the most successful wife and mother. 

The secret to success is always rather vague. We define what it means and by all means be grateful it happened to us. Above all that, Allah is watching us and He has His best interest in us. Be that person our heart has set to be. I am determined to that. Dreams follow me wherever I go, it is just a matter of time. I can't be wishing for 25hours a day, no? 

On struggles

Each one of us have our own struggles. To say one do not understand you is unfair 'cause you'll never know what is behind every smile you see. Let alone to understand their struggle, give it big or small.

Chalkart fan

I have a thing for chalkart, apparently. Though I have always take a sneak peak at this form of art, I have never tried doing it myself until week! I wanted it for my wedding but I could not find time to sit down and practise my handlettering. 

So yeah, after drawing inspirations from others, this is what I came up with. Right now, I still in the phase of doodling our name with lots of hearts in between. Sounds so high school, isn't it? I hope to do more. I'm using black ink so there is no room for mistake. It is okay 'cause ot is my favourite pen that I got from Dollarama years ago. Well, sounds like I need to practise more and be more creative! Cheerios!

2013 to 2014

And so 2014 began a month ago. It has yet to draw itself to me and I have not reserve myself for any big plans so far. Oh, perhaps moving into a new place is a big deal. Ah, yes yes. It is. As excited as I am planning for house renovation and finding house decor ideas constantly, I cannot escape the fact that we are living just us after this. I wonder how different that will be for me!

Above all, 2013 has set a great note for me. I felt I have accomplished amazing things last year and being married topped the list! Perhaps it will forever top the list. On a side note, I think being husband and wife have pros and cons as you two begin to adapt to each other. Fights and occasional merajuk seem less likely these days; and since my MIL is still the ma'am of the kitchen, I get to feel overjoy whenever I get the chance to cook for them.

I am praying for great news in 2014.


p/s: I miss writing my blog; though I am considering creating a new blog since blogger.com has a lot of spam comments. Luckily, I get to approve the true comments and not let spammers rule the comment box.