My last year to do all these things

Oh well, I didn't take a lot of pictures for Aidilfitri this year. Why? cause I forgot. Haha. Don't worry, I have a few. Lets take a look at them.

Raya prayer

This year the prayer was held at TD Waterhouse Stadium, which is just next door to London Hall. Imagine I woke up, mandi sunat hari raya, and get ready to the sound of takbir! It was beautiful, as it reminds me of kampung! Back in Jertih, the mosque is just 100m from my late grandmom's house. That was a indeed a beautiful morning :)

Proud to present to you pictures taken using my dad's D100 camera. Lol. It is an old camera. He bought it when I was 16. Since he is not that much interested in photography, I took the camera. So far, it is not easy to use that camera! Ariff had to teach me stuff.

And my dad gave me, what I called, the wrong lens! It a zooming lens. Grrrr! See, the guys in this picture is probably 50m away from me, but I still can take a close up picture of them!

Sisters praying. Baju kurung jugak yang lawa :)

Kami gadis Melayu. Walaupon Sarah tu dah mix, tapi Melayu lahh

:) Me and Beegay. We're the gangsters of the hood Hoho

Aww, Yours Truly berperasan depan cermin :)

I wore a different Baju Kurung during the prayer. Got home and decided to change to my new baju kurung. It fits me perfectly, considering I was not in Malaysia. Hehe. I was talking to someone thru YM in this picture.

Next, three pictures of my room.

Remember I told you about a jazzy theme room? Haha, actually I don't even know how it supposed to look like. So, this is my attempt.

Bed head view. I think this is the only part of the room that has Jazz things profoundly display. But it's just my drawings and Andy Warhol's "Brooklyn Bridge" Pop Art on this wall. I love it! The colours just blend in too well. The long white strip says "ANDY WARHOL: Life is a series of images that change as they repeat themselves". Jazz tak nih? Well, I have my retro iPod speaker there (limited edition nih :P) to add some musical mood to it. (Now my speaker is on my study desk). Alarm and Moo Hoo pon same sibuk jugak. White strap tu my Roxy sling bag.

I woke up to this.

My "LOVE" wall. I still need to print out more pictures! 'Cause these pictures are from last year :( The white square papers are quotes from famous or important people. Probably you can't see them from this picture, but they are there. I wish I can put up even more quotes!

Mi mesa

Ok, now my table is pretty messy. Thanks, I know I am messy myself! Well, this is how it looks like. The two big candles were bday presents from Izzy! And as you can see, my shot glass collection is getting bigger :) I bought the purple card at Jasper National Park and it was an art piece from Ioyan Mani entitled "Morning's Daughter". She's a native. The next card says Salam,Peace,Shalom. I got it from one of the talks I went to support Palestine :) Oh! My SIFT Award is also there!

That's it for now.

Later gators

-FZ

Kopi break.

Coffee will never be my best friend.

One minute, I would drink it to make me feel awake.

And so, I feel awake and I can study.

.... just wait for a few more minutes, that thing called caffeine will start to kick in.

And when it does, you will see me talking to myself and smile and do stupid stuff like getting my hair tangled in a hair roller (darn, that was painful!)

As a conclusion, I can't concentrate anymore. That is why I'm writing this post to tell you how "miserable" I feel right now, and hungry.

To whoever that discovers coffee, you are brilliant 'cause you made me hyper for no reason.

-FZ

(from http://thinkhammerhead.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/coffee-stains/)

Bila nak raya

Hari Raya dah hampir tiba. This will be my last hari raya in Canada, so, I'm gonna enjoy every bits of it :) Lauk raya belom tahu masak ape. Tapi so far, kami bercadang nak buat roti jala, lontong, rendang (maybe) and then, aunty macam nak masak asam pedas. Hehe.

I made a "card" for you guys. Sorry lah, it is not your typical card raya.

Writing a happy ending

Like every fairy tale, happy ending is a must. She who struggles with her inner thoughts wants this. A happy ending. Her life is no fairy tale. She is not a princess who is waiting for her prince to come and take her to a faraway kingdom ... she is ordinary. No different from you. Her life is monotonous. But, she is passionate. She wants her life to be a fairy tale with the romance of walking in the garden, flower in her hair and a beautiful white floral dress to match. That is all in her head. She is still here, in her jeans, tshirt and backpack walking to class and everywhere. Fairy tale life is too sweet to be true, she thinks. In the midst of her conflicting thoughts, she could have go look for her happy ending, but she did not. Well, one can only wish for so much!

Until, one day she met him. He said she is pretty. Any girl would smile to that. It seems this is the happy ending she is so long looking for. Everyday, he would make her feel special. The kind of feeling one would get from watching a romantic movie. It's tingling, in a fun, exciting, happy way. He just wants her to know that everyday. Sweet. Happiness is not a mile away, it is just when you hear some nice words that instantly brighten your day. And then, you wish you would hear more just to make sure you can make it through that day. Good day or bad, it does not matter because those words make you all better.

Days to months, those words became too common. Nothing special anymore that she begs him so bad to stop. Please, please stop. That is when she realizes, there is a gap between them. Apart from those nice, sweet sounding words, where is the relationship? It is not falling apart nor it is building stronger. It is simply not there. Un-present. She feels they had been random altogether. None of the things they talked about are connecting them. She felt lost again. They are both of two split personalities, they knew that. In a way, the compliment each other; but in another way, it works against them. The gap is too big. They come clean one night. All truths are out and let them be the judge for each other. Her passion over-rules her sometimes. Her lack of good judgment is no question. She is just bitter like that. She knows now he is not the man she thinks he is. So, what now?

And in that solemn, dreary night he can only explain himself with high hopes that she might understand. And while other living things are well asleep, on that night itself she felt the need to make a decision, but she fell flat in the attempt. The word "abandon" is absurdly lingering in her mind. But to abandon a friend who is in deep need of a help is a crime itself, she thinks. It is easy to abandon somebody than to carry the burden with him/her. That is plain selfish.

She just wants a happy ending.

And it takes two to make a happy ending. Is it?

She has the last page blank. Her fairy tale story is far from what she imagines. At least for now. That blank page will be filled with a story so extravagant, one would wish for the same story.

FZ

Abandonment

A guy walked up to a girl and told her how pretty she is. She was flattered, of course. Ever since, they would talk random things about each other for hours and savour each conversation they had, as it seems time is always catching up to them each day. They shared stories, big and small. But as time flies, they grew closer and closer together; only to know that somewhere between them, there is still a huge gap. A gap that is separating two souls from being united. What is this gap if they are close? Seeking an answer to that particular question requires only one thing, honesty. Indeed, honesty is the best policy. He is a friend, and so is she. Well, they both are, for now. You know, the truth is bitter but not knowing the truth is a bitterness in its own right too. One have to agree, the latter seems to be a painful indulgence. Secrets spilled, truth came out and honesty was the theme of the day. Shocked? Yes. He was not the man she thinks he is. So...what about now?

And in that solemn, dreary night he can only explain himself with high hopes that she might understand. And while other living things are well asleep, on that night itself she felt the need to make a decision, but she fell flat in the attempt. The word "abandon" is absurdly lingering in her mind. But to abandon a friend who is in deep need of a help is a crime itself, she thinks. It is easy to abandon somebody than to carry the burden with him/her. That is plain selfish.

He needs her. He would always need her. To make him feel complete and balance again. And that gap can only be closed when they accept each other for who he/she is despite any flaws one might have or wrongdoings one might have done. And so, he is waiting for time to tell how his and her story OR their story would end.

FZ

saye dan agama saye

Kadang-kadang rasa macam dah tak tahu nak tulis ape di sini. sebenarnye, ade sangat banyak perkara nak tulis tapi terasa macam tak cukup arif untuk mengulas isu yang berat-berat. Kalau diikutkan hati, tulis saje tentang kehidupan seharianku yang bosan itu. Ahhh! Dulu sudah pernah dipaksa oleh penulis, Khadijah Hashim untuk menjadi "penulis abad ke-21". Itula kata-kata yang beliau paksa kami semua ucapkan di seminar itu. Saye pun ucapkan. Seriuskah kami semua ketika itu? Tidak semestinye. Saye berpendapat, so far, saye sudah live up to my words 5 years ago; walaupon bukan menulis sajak atau novel, tetapi menulis di sini: perkara-perkara yang pelbagai. Mungkin hari ini, saye ade topik. Berat topik ini, tapi saye tetap ingin mengulas kerana saye terpanggil untuk mengulas.

Topik saye ialah persoalan agama.

Selama ini, saye ikut je ape ustazah dan buku teks cakap tentang Islam - semua hukum-hukum dan segala ibadat yang perlu dilaksanakan. Saye ikut tanpa mempersoalkan apa-apa kerana mereka adalah orang-orang yang mahir dalam bab-bab agama. Namun saye tak mendapat input sebegini untuk selamanya. Sekarang, saye di universiti, tiada ustazah...hanya Tafsir Quran je yang saye ade. Saye mengaku saye jarang baca. Again, saye buat saje segala ape yang saye dah selama ini buat - tak minum arak, solat, makan halal etc.

TAPI, SAYE DI KANADA, BUKAN DI MALAYSIA LAGI.

Bile saye datang sini, terasa diri dicabar. Segala ape yang saye rasa selesa untuk lakukan (seperti saye senaraikan di atas), sudah menjadi bahan pertanyaan orang. Orang di sini curious, itu saye pon tahu. Dalam masa yang sama, saye rase ade daya yang memerlukan saye lebih menjaga diri. Lebih daripada ape di Malaysia kerana di sini, perkara-perkara untuk memesongkan seseorang tak perlu dicari, ia akan datang sendiri. Oleh itu, perlunya saye menjaga diri dalam erti menjauhkan diri daripada perkara-perkara korup ini. Mungkin mudah bagi sesetengah pihak apabila berada di sini. Kalau ade support rakan-rakan seMalaysia atau seagama, mungkin senang juga. Namun, hanya saye dan Izzy berada di sini. Kami hanya boleh memperingati sesama sendiri. Namun, saye bersyukur ade aunty2 di sini yang saye memang anggap seperti saudara mara sendiri. Mereka pon sesama beringat.

Namun, perkara sebegini tidak semudah itu. Saye mungkin menganggap ianya mudah untuk berpuasa; tapi orang di sini tidak. Mereka curious. Semakin hari, semakin ramai yang bertanya soalan-soalan agama kepada saye. Dan inilah masanye yang susah untuk saye jawab; kerana selama ini, saye hanya ikut hukum-hukum ini tanpa banyak tanye. Sewajarnye, saye perlu tahu kenape hukum-hukum itu diwajibkan oleh Allah s.w.t. kerana orang-orang di sini mahu tahu. Cabaran itu, saye sendiri yang salah kerana tak amik peduli. Contohnya, kenape orang Islam tak boleh makan pork. Hum. I looked dumb at that table. Tapi, jangan katakan saye jahil pula apebila membaca post ini setakat ini. Baca lagi...

Mungkin saye yang bangang. Isunya bukan berhenti di situ. Apa pula kata kamu semua apabila ade orang mencabar hukum-hukum ini? Pada pendapat saye, ini cabaran lagi besar. Menerangkan kepada orang-orang ini apekah sebab-sebab hukum ini diwajibkan. Wanita wajib menutup aurat. Saye dan kamu pon tahu itu; dan kite tahu kenapa ia diwajibkan. Saye dengan yakin sekali menerangkan. Namun, ade juge mereka yang keras kepala dan tak mahu menerima jawapan "because we are humble", dan ini tiba masanye untuk approach jawapan yang berbeza. Saye terangkan yang paling detail. Dan sesungguhnya, orang ini tidak berpuas hati. Dan saye perlu counter orang ini. Beliau nyatakan manusia dicipta in the face of God; so kalau Tuhan itu cantik, manusia kene laa mempertontonkan kecantikan itu. Jawapan saye senang, kecantikan bukan dikira dari body parts sebab "kecantikan" itu hanyalah mengundang rasa-rasa pelik di kalangan lelaki. Die bersetuju dengan kenyataan itu. Lagipon, bukankah semua orang di dunia ini bersetuju kecantikan dalaman lagi penting? Aiseyhh orang itu. Apadaaa, buat letih je berdebat kat meja makan.

Kemudian saye terfikir, lantak aku laa aku pilih agama ini. Yang orang-orang ini sibuk-sibuk ape hal? Aku respect ape mereka buat; kenape tidak untuk aku. Tiada pula saye mempersoalkan aktiviti kegemaran mereka untuk minum arak? Tapi jika saye berfikir begitu dan memberi jawapan emo sebegitu, selamanya orang akan salah faham tentang Islam. Sebab itu kalau orang tanye, saye beri jawapan penuh. Ayam kene slaughtered with prayers to Allah.

Dan untuk para pemakan sayur di luar sane yang makan sayur kerana i don't want to eat living things; sayur-sayur pon living things. sekian.

later gators,

fz

ps: saye dah google nape b.a.b.i takleh dimakan.

Seorang Cikgu

atau tutor in my case.

Today, I want to write in Malay today, but you will find some English words here and there.

Begini kisah saye menjadi cikgu...atau tutor Saye dah menjadi tutor sejak umur 16. Awal-awalnya, saye mengajar Geografi kepada 2 pelajar Tingkatan 3. Alhamdulillah mereka dapat cemerlang dalam PMR. Sangat laa happy time tu. Ye lah, anak murid dapat result bagus :) Ini kot perasaan mana-mana cikgu. Then after that, banyak kot tutor kawan seorang dalam macam subjek lain: Chemistry and Add Math, for most of the time. Lain - lain subjek maybe ade ajar sekali kot. Pastu, dah tak mengajar sebab dah pegi Canada. Then summer tahun ini, mengajar Math semula untuk seorang pelajar Grade 11 kat sini. Fuhhh, giler mencabar dowh, due to the language AND dah berkarat dongggg. Then now, mengajar orang English untuk pelajar-pelajar ESL. Itu saye punye kisah. Semua orang pun tahu jadi cikgu sangat mulia. Lebih mulia kot dari pekerjaan2 macam Ahli Geologi. Haha. Tapi ramai sangat ke yang nak jadi cikgu ni? Tapi to me, soalan yang lebih wajar untuk ditanyakan ialah, layakkah setiap orang untuk jadi cikgu. One thing untuk ade cita-cita tu, tapi kalau takde character untuk pekerjaan itu, saye rase macam kurang bertepatan lah. Saye rase cikgu kene penyabar. Kenape? Sebab sabar itu separuh dari Iman. Pastu, bukan senang nak menerangkan pada seseorang tentang sesuatu yang baru kepadanya, kesabaran sangat diperlukan dalam hal ni. Saye sabar ke? Macam kurang je.

Saye yang sememangnye tak segan silu ingin memberitahu, saye adelah panas baran orangnya dan kekadang ade gak rase mcm nak cakap "takkan ni pon tak tahu", tapi tak bertamadun laa kalau cakap macam tu dan kadang-kadang gayanya seperti saye sorang je yang "pandai". Saye selalunya cuba utk push orang ini supaya die dapat jawapan itu dengan sendiri...tapi, kadang-kadang terkeluar juga ayat seperti "kite dah buat banyak kali dah perkara ni, kamu dah patut tahu". Mungkin saat ini, intonasi suaraku dah berubah kepada sarcastic bercampur geram. Tapi, selalunya saye cepat tersedar akan situasi ini dan cuba ubah ayat-ayat berikutnye supaya tak terkantoi tengah geram. Keadaan ini lagi teruk apabila saye mengajar bahasa. Sesungguhnya, mengajar kimia or math (even add maths) tak sesusah mengajar bahasa. Ditambah pula kalau kami berbeza bahasa, maka sangat susah bile nak terangkan sesuatu. Contohnye tadi apabila saye cube menerangkan adjective adelah perkataan menerangkan sesuatu, maka kene ade noun selepas word itu...namun beliau hanya menjawab "I don't know". Namun, saye berkeras untuk tidak memberikan jawapan kerana nanti die tak belajar. Saye boleh nampak dari raut wajahnye yang seperti mengatakan, "ape kate kau bagitahu je ape jawapannya". Maaflah, there is no free answer. Saye dengan sengajanye push beliau supaya die sendiri yang fikirkan perkataan itu dimana akhirnya beliau berjaya. Yippee! So my point is, saye tak penyabar dan cepat naik geram bile orang tak dapat. Maybe tak sangat kot dgn math or kimia.

Tapi hakikatnye, banyak lagi kriteria untuk jadi cikgu. Mungkin yang paling penting, kene ade minat untuk mengajar dan juga, minat untuk mencurahkan bakti untuk mengajar anak bangsa. Untuk saye, saye berminat untuk berkongsi ilmu yang saye ade. Again, takde laa nak berkata saye tahu semua perkara. Tapi, asasnya, bile kite mengajar mungkin ade juga perkara2 baru yang kite sendiri belajar. Seperti sekarang saye mengajar bahasa. Dalam pada itu, saye perlu membaca artikel2 yang mereka perlu buat. Banyak artikel2 yang diberikan sangat berkualiti isinya dan saye sangat gembire untuk belajar. Dan dalam masa yang same, bila mengajar subjek seperti math, saye dapat polish or recall balek segala apa yang dah belajar supaya ilmu itu tak berkarat dalam otak saye. Susah juge bile tahun ni kene ajar Math. Memang google habes semua term2 math, especially cause mase belajar dulu dalam Melayu and now mengajar in English. Alhamdulillah die beritahu saye, she did great in her exam.

Kamu tahu, perasaan seorang cikgu or tutor, in my case, bile pelajar itu just got it. Like you can see from his/her face yang die dah faham and sesungguhnya everything from that point ialah smooth belaka. I felt that JOY. And I know you would too. Sangat happy. Dan bile seseorang just come to me to tell how he/she did in the exam/quiz/presentation/essay, it feels even better and then when they say thank you to you, that alone makes all the geram and stress, pointless. But again, sometimes you have to push someone for them to know their own potential and that they can do it, but just need a little reminder.

I don't have any plans yet to have a career as a teacher, but if somebody asks for my help to explain things, I would totally do it. Sometimes I have this bad attitude of complaining about it, but in the end of the day, I will still do it, 'cause helping people is one of the best thing a human can do.

ps: saye cukup tak suka bile orang cakap, education kat Malaysia spoon fed pelajar. saye rase ramai orang berjaya atas usaha mereka sambil dibimbing oleh cikgu. banyak kes saye kat sini, tak best pon rase sy rase. ni bukan bias. pendapat je.

Later gators,
-FZ

I got a Jazzy feeling

I called my mom today and the first thing I got to listen to was her bebelan about how I didn't call her for more than 3 weeks. Hehe. Bad kid! Sorry Mommy.

Well, after all that, I got to know that all of them (except my dad) went to Ikea to get some new things for the house. Yeay! Finally, the house is almost done. Although I'm not there to suffer the agony of house renovation, but from the stories I heard...I can only pity them from afar! What's best is of course redecorating the house. I don't know how my parents will decorate the house, but I hope it is somewhat along my imagination. It kills me not to be able to be the advisor cause they always listen to me :) and of course, that would mean I'll get the things I wanted. Haha. Teruk punye budak. This time is different then! Geez. My sister just told me they bought a new washing machine and a stove. OMG! Really? It's okay it's okay, those two things are not my biggest concern. I'm more concern about the fridge. Haha. Hopefully they will get it later so that I can choose. Other than that, my sister told me they got things for her room and my brother's; as well as book shelves for my dad. Cool. Again, none for my concern. Lol. I'm desperately asking my sister to send me pictures of my bathroom!

Okay. Now, the bathroom is MY BIGGEST CONCERN! Guess what? For almost all the years we moved to that house (since I was 8), I used only 1 bathroom - the biggest bathroom. And I don't share it with anybody, unless it's an emergency on their behalf. Whatever, the point is...I'm very particular about it! Although, I have to admit, I don't like to clean it. Haha, I still leave it to my mom to do it. The most I would do is, clean the sink. Hik hik hik. Pemalas #1. At times, I just don't get it, why the 4 of them would only use that one small bathroom, when mine has the bathtub, a freaking huge mirror, a nice counter top and of course, hot and cold shower. I can't explain. Now that my house is under a major renovation, I told my parents, I want a nice shower place - honestly, I don't know the proper name...so, lets call it a shower place - so that the floor does not get wet. Cool, they got it for me!! Weeee! Wait, I googled it and it's called shower screen.
Heh. Well, don't get all too excited and call me a spoil brat...my parents took the big bathroom for themselves and gave me the small one :( and now, my new room does not even have a door to connect to the bathroom; I have to walk out of my room to use the bathroom. Really sad. It's okay...I have my private bathroom for more than 10 years, I don't mind sharing it now with my sister, brother and possibly some guests. Ahhhh! At least, my mom keep it my style...with pink tiles. Haha. I'm very excited to get some bathroom accessories for my new bathroom! Weeeeee!!!

The other best thing is, MY ROOM! Since I was so dumb to paint it all pink...I have to work with it. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure my dad will be mad. The pink I had was a very serious bright pink! To still make it cool, rather than girly girl, I'm gonna keep the colour scheme to just pink, black and white. Heh. Hope that will do the trick. I don't feel like revealing my plans for my room yet, just in case I don't have the budget for it...but one thing I know, the room will not be girlish!!

Maka, that's it.
I'm off to Toronto tomorrow. I left some stuff at Nadiah's place last week.
Ouh, check out my Obama-inspired picture on the left. Nice eh? Go get it yourself at http://obamiconme.pastemagazine.com/entries/new.html

Hummmm, I want to show you something. It's my drawings for my new room at London Hall. Yippee! Not the best, but I'm proud of them all.

It will be a Jazz themed room with an edge. Perasan.
I hope to post some pictures of my room later on.

For now, toodles gators.

FZ

Kawan kan dah lama...or baru

I'm back from my trip. A little bit tired, but it's okay. Right now, I'm suffering from stupid bed bugs bites and lack of interesting things to do (I have tonnes of laundry to do, lol). Everyday I would go through my pictures and just smile at some silly pictures I took. Seriously, the best part of traveling this time is the OLD and NEW friends I met along the way. They made my journey a lot more fun and worthwhile :)
So, I've compiled some of my favourite pictures of "the geng"

Friends for 15 years now. She's now in NYC, so we have to meet every chance we have.
Picture: We met in Montreal :)

Ashrul telah dilantik menjadi Sidekick saye. He will be my extra eyes and ears... hehe


My kind of advanture
(Picture credit: Harun)


When two cultures met :)

kami seperti pendatang tanpa izin...Khamsani terasa too cool to squat like us

Mu'min in my sunglasses! Kawan dah lama tak jmpe....
(Picture credit: Ariff)

Annas, Ariff and Me. Drop dead wet at Maid of the Mist ride. Ariff tak berada dekat dgn sy...ilusi perspektif sahaja...

Khalis! A new face for me :)

Yati! Another new face :) Super cheerful girl, I like!

There they are. Tapi I'm missing a few: Nadiah, Safwan, Arif, Lukman. Semua pon budak2 TO, tak sempat kot ambil gambar diorang :(

Almost a month now

Ah! My one-month-trip is coming to an end this Saturday :(
Currently, I'm at my last destination which is Niagara Falls. So, I will try to update with some stories and pictures, plus an announcement on a project I will be working on. Hehe.

Take care korang!

*esok pegi Journey Behind the Falls*

FZ