HCMC

Yesterday I heard the word "drive". What does it take to drive a person or a group? I know my drive and when yesterday ends, I was head over heels in excitement because today I'm going to Ho Chi Minh City!

Oh well, I'm here already. And I like it so far! I'm all by myself now, but it's okay, it looks all to familiar to me ;) I can't believe I have doubts last night on how to survive here et al. but again I had to seek comfort in somebody who knew that I could do this. Haha!

People here speak very little English and I felt bad that I'm not blending in yet in terms of language. I just googles how to say Thank You in Vietnamese. I can't write it here cause I don't have the fancy characters, but it is pronounced as "karm ern". Ok, will use it tomorrow onwards. I opted to take a cab and make my way to the hotel on my own. Some friends suggested that I request for somebody to pick me up, but yea it's not a big deal to me. Along the way, I saw a few interesting cafes that I swear I must try them all! If only :p You know my addiction to coffee and Vietnam being one of the best place for coffee, I just gotta try them all. There is one cafe really caught my eyes, but I didn't catch the name :( I will make the effort to find it! Then, I walked around my hotel area, there are tons of Halal restaurant in this area and this reminds me again that I may need to be a vegetarian on some occasions. I totally gave up on the idea of being a dedicated vegetarian when I got back to Malaysia last year. Somehow, I can't resist.

I will write more. Toodles, need to catch some break.

Just thought I should have one ;)

They decided to tag along to Ho Chi Minh City.

Eh, ape eh name korang berdua ni?

p/s: my certain someone is very far away, too.

With Arms Wide Open

Tonight, I blasted off some old Creed songs that I don't remember I have in my iTunes until somebody asked. And that was at 1am. Our mini singing session has ended by now, and I'm all wide awake. You can tell me why ;)

P/S: chose to write a review on "With Arms Wide Open" back when I was 14 for some assignment. Then I chose, "This I Promise You" haha

That certain someone

I like to think to be in the right crowd is hard; to surround oneself with people whom you can call friends and to avoid enemies. The worst is, of course, to be bounded by pretentious people with glittery eyes and friendly smiles. Then it boils down to trust; who are your trustworthy people? Deep down, I can actually easily trust someone with my stories. You'll see the preferences almost immediately. I may sound naive to you, then. I've known better now. Maybe I cannot willfully hand pick who to be friends with, but I can certainly choose my trustworthy friends. I wonder why I used to be so out loud about everything that I couldn't give myself some reservations. Add that to my vocabulary now. I am more reserved. At times, I give some thoughts. Do I ever have enemies? They don't come running to me, but do I have enemies?

Above all,

I have met that certain someone whom I can share all my stories with and would listen patiently to me when I babble every . single . time .

:)

p/s: offshore again. muka akan kering lagi! urgh!

Insignificance

There will come a day where nothing is right. Your emotions twitch like a flick of a switch and soon you realise they are pointless. It will go wrong. Planning is one thing; hoping is another. Put your hopes high you will then crumble. Maybe I am wrong to think I have the control; to be able to hold certain things for certain.

Wrong,

Wrong

and Wrong!

One thing I never seem to grasp is how trivial I am compare to the major things surrounding me. I like to think I am important, but look at me, I'm puny! You can say I am important to you, but the truth is, truth does not lie. Of all the big things, I am the smallest. I do not regret, but everything has an order. Mine happens to be the last. Yes, what am I talking, you say? Nevermind, these thoughts are trivial.

P/S: Feels like eating donuts!

Sunday

What more can a Sunday cries for other than to read a book. I got my copy of The Eyre Affair as a bday gift and I'm pretty much dedicating my Sunday to it. Even well proposal takes the side line today.

I'm in Kuantan right now and I feel the need to write something here after leaving my blog unattended for about 2 months now. Very unlike me. Not to say I'm busy, but more like suddenly, I don't have a voice, no thoughts to be conveyed here. Until now, my stories were half written. I put a full stop not at an ending, but at mid-way. I can't seem to finish my story for some reason and why? I can't tell myself.

I have a few thoughts to share; some of which I even have titles for them, but I couldn't commit myself to writing them out! Sigh. One I hope I can finish writing is entitled "Local". The guess is all yours. Nevertheless, it is something I wish I can allow myself to explain. Not because it is condemning, but it is nurturing. Urgh, I need time to properly write it out. Please let me find more time in this world. Please please please...

p/s: I like my nails polished.

Away

Whenever I leave a place, I always dream of coming back. Whenever I look at the photos of these places, I will be reminded of the fond memories there. Whatever that makes up the memories are very much treasured. I may have seen a fair bit to give me different views of things. And most often than not, I want to go back because of the people I met along the way. I miss you guys. You may not know who you are, but I miss you.

Greed

I want everything

All of them

p/s: looking for The Eyre Affair

Conform

I woke up today and I quickly grabbed my cellphone. What time is it? With my eyes half opened and my whole body still wrapped in the comforter, I braved myself to look at the time. 6am. I'm still okay. Wait, what? 6am?!! Feeling hungry with parched skin, chapped lips and my voice couldn't even come out from my throat, I asked, "What happened?"

Overslept happened.

The reality was I need those sleeping hours. Being the only one here, there is no working shift for me. I'm on my own. Whatever happened, I'm accountable to answer those questions. So, I had minimal sleep. I was up all night to monitor logging. And the night before, I was on guard for drilling. Though I may steal some hours for my beauty sleep, I didn't. Instead I went around studying things and understand all the things related to my work. Seriously, I felt accomplished.

I never actually wrote about my experience offshore. Some say it is exciting to be out here. Some say I must be one tough chick to survive living offshore. The truth is, it is only tough as far as your mind would put it and not to forget, it's men's world here. I cannot escape this truth because in the end, I'm the one who has to "fit in" with the boys. This time around, I'm the only girl here and so guess what? I'd prefer to write it out from a female point of view.

I'd would say just from the surface, living offshore is interesting. Depends on which rig I went to, I always feel I get the best of everything to make me feel at home. Here, my room is spacious! I got a bunk bed, a 24" flat screen TV with a few Astro channels, a dvd player and a mini refrigerator. Then, in my office, I have a phone and my own internet cable. Seriously, what more can you ask for? Get this, I hate doing laundry. It's the only so-called-female-stereotype-chore that I hate doing! Even I don't hate ironing clothes that much. Here, the housekeeping guys wash and fold your clothes for you. They even clean your room. It's like you're staying in a hotel. You come back from work with your clothes ready and room cleaned. Oh, I don't make a lot of mess, mind you :)

Then, the food. Ahh, food in general is always good. It's a trap, I know, with all the good, yummy food around, but I cannot say no to steak, can I? ...I'm trying to imagine my life in Canada where I was a vegetarian for the most part...how did I survive, then? I don't have the answer, hihi. They always have western and local dishes everyday, so whatever your heart desires that day, just please help yourself. Today for lunch, I had rice with beans, sambal terung and steamed fish with a hint of cencaluk ;) then, I had chocolate cake. I've been craving for chocolate cake somehow...

Of course, other than that, staying offshore means I don't use $$; instead I get $$. With me being a big spender, this is a good set back. I don't have to get up everyday thinking what should I wear today cause for all I know my outfit is either my yellow coverall or tshirt+yoga pants. But the big one hooray is, I don't have to wake "early" cause the roads/LRT will be packed if I were late. That is a +1 for me.

Surething you'll find my story to be somewhat compelling up until now. Like I said, that is what's on the surface. The real challenge is more like how do I fit in?

With Johnny and Jonathan at the Mudlogging Unit

p/s: Been watching American Idol here.

Solitude

I heard "When it is the darkest, men see the stars" (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Emerson speaks my thoughts almost perfectly. Our thoughts are always very much in sync.

I speak of solitary now.

I wish this is not my darkest moments, but like Emerson, I see stars in my solitary hours. A chance for me to ponder on the things I'm yet to achieve. Big ambitions are for big dreamers or daydreamers. Perhaps I can say with confidence I was a big dreamer back in high school. I imagined myself doing a bunch of amazing and out of this world thing. One is to work for the United Nation. I was very much interested in charitable work from the get go. When I was 16, I read an article about women struggles in Timor Leste and there was an address in the article calling for volunteers. I wanted to write a letter to that person stating my interest. Of course, that didn't happen cause guess why? I was 16 and I had SPM the following year. After that, I got so caught up with school I paid no attention to this so called ambition. I joined some kind of anti-nuclear club in university (whaaat??? I know!) in the hopes of lining myself with the right conscience once more. That failed. I did some volunteer work for YMCA and I felt good. Bits of my ambition is now accomplished. Even the smallest stories on human survivor or struggles I typically read in National Geographic gave me tears. I remembered I met a person who used to be a volunteer in Acheh after the Tsunami devastation. I was impressed that he took some time to do such work. I always go back to his story to remind people that others can do it, why can't we?

While hiking the Inca Trail in Peru, we took a lunch break and decided to watch the villagers playing soccer. It was their must do Sunday activity, so hooray! Surething I was watching, but my eyes were drawn to a mother of two trying to play and please her kids. They had no toys, but they were playing with a bottle cap. I said to my buddies, I wanted to take pictures of them. I approached them and tried to be friendly. Gladly they accepted me well. One child had a really long scar on his face and he was aggressive, to say the least, but his brother was cute as a button. I wondered how he got the scar but the language barrier set me off. It wasn't my intention to stick my nose in either. He warmed up to me after some time. I felt happy. After some time, it just hit me, while I find their lives to be far from what I experienced in my childhood they are very much content with their lives. However, I cannot escape the thought of what does the future holds for them? Where will they 10 years from now. You know, some people had it easy. I would count myself in, but others don't. Is being content NOW enough for the future? I tried to look into becoming a UN volunteer once more; this time the age limit failed me. I had to be 26 yrs old. Ok, I think I was looking at the right bits of info on that. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Surething celebrities get to be UN ambassadors, they are "the face" people can easily associate with. At one point, I think I have to be famous to get this in my hands. But then again, I don't think I tried hard enough even.

So, it's dark outside and I'm in the middle of an ocean, can I clear my head to see what I really should commit myself to?

And I'm quoting Emerson again, "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen". I'm holding on to his words, once more

Nampak agak beriya...

(credit Mbn)

p/s: Tudung hijau, baju kuning. Some said I wore Australia today. Hihi

Far

As I'm moving forward, I can't help but to look back. Maybe something back there is worth keeping. Something happened back there to build you. Something happened back there to break you. Just something to make you larger than life today.

I will always be reminded of the things in the past cause a thing is always something.

p/s: batuk dowh. and busy mcm hampeh.