Solitude

I heard "When it is the darkest, men see the stars" (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Emerson speaks my thoughts almost perfectly. Our thoughts are always very much in sync.

I speak of solitary now.

I wish this is not my darkest moments, but like Emerson, I see stars in my solitary hours. A chance for me to ponder on the things I'm yet to achieve. Big ambitions are for big dreamers or daydreamers. Perhaps I can say with confidence I was a big dreamer back in high school. I imagined myself doing a bunch of amazing and out of this world thing. One is to work for the United Nation. I was very much interested in charitable work from the get go. When I was 16, I read an article about women struggles in Timor Leste and there was an address in the article calling for volunteers. I wanted to write a letter to that person stating my interest. Of course, that didn't happen cause guess why? I was 16 and I had SPM the following year. After that, I got so caught up with school I paid no attention to this so called ambition. I joined some kind of anti-nuclear club in university (whaaat??? I know!) in the hopes of lining myself with the right conscience once more. That failed. I did some volunteer work for YMCA and I felt good. Bits of my ambition is now accomplished. Even the smallest stories on human survivor or struggles I typically read in National Geographic gave me tears. I remembered I met a person who used to be a volunteer in Acheh after the Tsunami devastation. I was impressed that he took some time to do such work. I always go back to his story to remind people that others can do it, why can't we?

While hiking the Inca Trail in Peru, we took a lunch break and decided to watch the villagers playing soccer. It was their must do Sunday activity, so hooray! Surething I was watching, but my eyes were drawn to a mother of two trying to play and please her kids. They had no toys, but they were playing with a bottle cap. I said to my buddies, I wanted to take pictures of them. I approached them and tried to be friendly. Gladly they accepted me well. One child had a really long scar on his face and he was aggressive, to say the least, but his brother was cute as a button. I wondered how he got the scar but the language barrier set me off. It wasn't my intention to stick my nose in either. He warmed up to me after some time. I felt happy. After some time, it just hit me, while I find their lives to be far from what I experienced in my childhood they are very much content with their lives. However, I cannot escape the thought of what does the future holds for them? Where will they 10 years from now. You know, some people had it easy. I would count myself in, but others don't. Is being content NOW enough for the future? I tried to look into becoming a UN volunteer once more; this time the age limit failed me. I had to be 26 yrs old. Ok, I think I was looking at the right bits of info on that. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Surething celebrities get to be UN ambassadors, they are "the face" people can easily associate with. At one point, I think I have to be famous to get this in my hands. But then again, I don't think I tried hard enough even.

So, it's dark outside and I'm in the middle of an ocean, can I clear my head to see what I really should commit myself to?

And I'm quoting Emerson again, "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen". I'm holding on to his words, once more

Nampak agak beriya...

(credit Mbn)

p/s: Tudung hijau, baju kuning. Some said I wore Australia today. Hihi