Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Business vs. Pleasure

Blogging is a pleasure.
Reading is a business.
...that is to me. Might be different for other bloggers who actually make an income from blogging (think nuffnang!)

Yo, this year is crunch time. I have 2 classes this year, with one online course. It was great for 3 weeks, now I just realise thesis needs immense time spent on. Silly me! Fret not, I love my project and I determine to put my heart and soul into it. But, in order to do that, I have to sacrifice pleasure. And blogging is not my only pleasure. I have more. And my number one pleasure is, watching TV! That's why I don't watch TV at all in Malaysia, back in my SPM days. Don't ask me anything about TV shows...I suck at them! Maybe the new ones you can (think Gossip Girl!).


So juggling between these two is intense, but I have to do it. My happy plan is,
  1. Watch TV on my iPod while doing workout so that I'm not conscious about time. I always do! What else to do other than to stare at the threadmill screen? Aiyaa. That means, my work out session has to be approximately 40minutes, and that would include warming up and cooling down!
  2. Eat while reading materials given to me by my professor, check facebook, emails and all that. I eat roughly 15 minutes. That should be good.
  3. Cooking time: To cut time, cook simple food. Most of the time I just create my own recipe because I refuse to use the typical tumis + campur daging/ayam + masuk sayur etc method. Now has to be grill. 'Cause that means, I can leave it to cook while once awhile take a look at it. Veggies - steam saja dong. Dah siap! Healthy skit.
  4. Spend most time at school. If I'm home, I'll be wasting time doing crap. Luckily I still have meal plan from first year (like $250 lagi) so I can eat on-campus any time I want or just go to Delaware residence and get food at the cafe.
That's my simple plan. It has to work! I will try to make sure of that. Blogging time? Curi2 laaa time :D

Moleskine Limited Edition Woodstock Sketchbook.
$26 laaa tapinya. Jual at UWO Bookstore

Com'on serious people would buy this :) Like me! I'm serious. I'm thinking of using it as my new journal. The old one dah nak habes. Been using that book for almost 10 years now. Hoho. I have a feeling if I do buy this book, I might not write in it cause sayang hahahaha.

Wish me luck for my ambitious new time management plan!

See yah when I see yah
Lator my gators!
- FZ

(picture taken from Moleskine website)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

black and white field time

Taken during a recent field work to collect samples for my thesis. The route to the site is hard to access so the field assistant had to pick us one by one. So, to kill time, I took picture of myself :)

Self capture. Pretty good after so many trials. Pumping jack behind me

Soybeans are everywhere! I took a few and eat them raw! Ngeh ngeh ngeh.
Still good. No worries, I didn't get any tummy upset later that day. The field is all yellow, so they are ready to be harvested!

Later gators,
- FZ

Friday, September 25, 2009

My last year to do all these things

Oh well, I didn't take a lot of pictures for Aidilfitri this year. Why? cause I forgot. Haha. Don't worry, I have a few. Lets take a look at them.

Raya prayer
This year the prayer was held at TD Waterhouse Stadium, which is just next door to London Hall. Imagine I woke up, mandi sunat hari raya, and get ready to the sound of takbir! It was beautiful, as it reminds me of kampung! Back in Jertih, the mosque is just 100m from my late grandmom's house. That was a indeed a beautiful morning :)

Proud to present to you pictures taken using my dad's D100 camera. Lol. It is an old camera. He bought it when I was 16. Since he is not that much interested in photography, I took the camera. So far, it is not easy to use that camera! Ariff had to teach me stuff.
And my dad gave me, what I called, the wrong lens! It a zooming lens. Grrrr! See, the guys in this picture is probably 50m away from me, but I still can take a close up picture of them!

Sisters praying. Baju kurung jugak yang lawa :)

Kami gadis Melayu. Walaupon Sarah tu dah mix, tapi Melayu lahh

:) Me and Beegay. We're the gangsters of the hood Hoho

Aww, Yours Truly berperasan depan cermin :)
I wore a different Baju Kurung during the prayer. Got home and decided to change to my new baju kurung. It fits me perfectly, considering I was not in Malaysia. Hehe. I was talking to someone thru YM in this picture.

Next, three pictures of my room.
Remember I told you about a jazzy theme room? Haha, actually I don't even know how it supposed to look like. So, this is my attempt.

Bed head view. I think this is the only part of the room that has Jazz things profoundly display. But it's just my drawings and Andy Warhol's "Brooklyn Bridge" Pop Art on this wall. I love it! The colours just blend in too well. The long white strip says "ANDY WARHOL: Life is a series of images that change as they repeat themselves". Jazz tak nih? Well, I have my retro iPod speaker there (limited edition nih :P) to add some musical mood to it. (Now my speaker is on my study desk). Alarm and Moo Hoo pon same sibuk jugak. White strap tu my Roxy sling bag.

I woke up to this.
My "LOVE" wall. I still need to print out more pictures! 'Cause these pictures are from last year :( The white square papers are quotes from famous or important people. Probably you can't see them from this picture, but they are there. I wish I can put up even more quotes!

Mi mesa
Ok, now my table is pretty messy. Thanks, I know I am messy myself! Well, this is how it looks like. The two big candles were bday presents from Izzy! And as you can see, my shot glass collection is getting bigger :) I bought the purple card at Jasper National Park and it was an art piece from Ioyan Mani entitled "Morning's Daughter". She's a native. The next card says Salam,Peace,Shalom. I got it from one of the talks I went to support Palestine :) Oh! My SIFT Award is also there!

That's it for now.
Later gators


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Kopi break.

Coffee will never be my best friend.
One minute, I would drink it to make me feel awake.
And so, I feel awake and I can study.
.... just wait for a few more minutes, that thing called caffeine will start to kick in.
And when it does, you will see me talking to myself and smile and do stupid stuff like getting my hair tangled in a hair roller (darn, that was painful!)
As a conclusion, I can't concentrate anymore. That is why I'm writing this post to tell you how "miserable" I feel right now, and hungry.

To whoever that discovers coffee, you are brilliant 'cause you made me hyper for no reason.


(from http://thinkhammerhead.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/coffee-stains/)

Friday, September 18, 2009

Bila nak raya

Hari Raya dah hampir tiba. This will be my last hari raya in Canada, so, I'm gonna enjoy every bits of it :) Lauk raya belom tahu masak ape. Tapi so far, kami bercadang nak buat roti jala, lontong, rendang (maybe) and then, aunty macam nak masak asam pedas. Hehe.

I made a "card" for you guys. Sorry lah, it is not your typical card raya.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Writing a happy ending

Like every fairy tale, happy ending is a must. She who struggles with her inner thoughts wants this. A happy ending. Her life is no fairy tale. She is not a princess who is waiting for her prince to come and take her to a faraway kingdom ... she is ordinary. No different from you. Her life is monotonous. But, she is passionate. She wants her life to be a fairy tale with the romance of walking in the garden, flower in her hair and a beautiful white floral dress to match. That is all in her head. She is still here, in her jeans, tshirt and backpack walking to class and everywhere. Fairy tale life is too sweet to be true, she thinks. In the midst of her conflicting thoughts, she could have go look for her happy ending, but she did not. Well, one can only wish for so much!

Until, one day she met him. He said she is pretty. Any girl would smile to that. It seems this is the happy ending she is so long looking for. Everyday, he would make her feel special. The kind of feeling one would get from watching a romantic movie. It's tingling, in a fun, exciting, happy way. He just wants her to know that everyday. Sweet. Happiness is not a mile away, it is just when you hear some nice words that instantly brighten your day. And then, you wish you would hear more just to make sure you can make it through that day. Good day or bad, it does not matter because those words make you all better.

Days to months, those words became too common. Nothing special anymore that she begs him so bad to stop. Please, please stop. That is when she realizes, there is a gap between them. Apart from those nice, sweet sounding words, where is the relationship? It is not falling apart nor it is building stronger. It is simply not there. Un-present. She feels they had been random altogether. None of the things they talked about are connecting them. She felt lost again. They are both of two split personalities, they knew that. In a way, the compliment each other; but in another way, it works against them. The gap is too big. They come clean one night. All truths are out and let them be the judge for each other. Her passion over-rules her sometimes. Her lack of good judgment is no question. She is just bitter like that. She knows now he is not the man she thinks he is. So, what now?

And in that solemn, dreary night he can only explain himself with high hopes that she might understand. And while other living things are well asleep, on that night itself she felt the need to make a decision, but she fell flat in the attempt. The word "abandon" is absurdly lingering in her mind. But to abandon a friend who is in deep need of a help is a crime itself, she thinks. It is easy to abandon somebody than to carry the burden with him/her. That is plain selfish.

She just wants a happy ending.
And it takes two to make a happy ending. Is it?
She has the last page blank. Her fairy tale story is far from what she imagines. At least for now. That blank page will be filled with a story so extravagant, one would wish for the same story.


Monday, September 14, 2009


A guy walked up to a girl and told her how pretty she is. She was flattered, of course. Ever since, they would talk random things about each other for hours and savour each conversation they had, as it seems time is always catching up to them each day. They shared stories, big and small. But as time flies, they grew closer and closer together; only to know that somewhere between them, there is still a huge gap. A gap that is separating two souls from being united. What is this gap if they are close? Seeking an answer to that particular question requires only one thing, honesty. Indeed, honesty is the best policy. He is a friend, and so is she. Well, they both are, for now. You know, the truth is bitter but not knowing the truth is a bitterness in its own right too. One have to agree, the latter seems to be a painful indulgence. Secrets spilled, truth came out and honesty was the theme of the day. Shocked? Yes. He was not the man she thinks he is. So...what about now?

And in that solemn, dreary night he can only explain himself with high hopes that she might understand. And while other living things are well asleep, on that night itself she felt the need to make a decision, but she fell flat in the attempt. The word "abandon" is absurdly lingering in her mind. But to abandon a friend who is in deep need of a help is a crime itself, she thinks. It is easy to abandon somebody than to carry the burden with him/her. That is plain selfish.

He needs her. He would always need her. To make him feel complete and balance again. And that gap can only be closed when they accept each other for who he/she is despite any flaws one might have or wrongdoings one might have done. And so, he is waiting for time to tell how his and her story OR their story would end.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

saye dan agama saye

Kadang-kadang rasa macam dah tak tahu nak tulis ape di sini. sebenarnye, ade sangat banyak perkara nak tulis tapi terasa macam tak cukup arif untuk mengulas isu yang berat-berat. Kalau diikutkan hati, tulis saje tentang kehidupan seharianku yang bosan itu. Ahhh! Dulu sudah pernah dipaksa oleh penulis, Khadijah Hashim untuk menjadi "penulis abad ke-21". Itula kata-kata yang beliau paksa kami semua ucapkan di seminar itu. Saye pun ucapkan. Seriuskah kami semua ketika itu? Tidak semestinye. Saye berpendapat, so far, saye sudah live up to my words 5 years ago; walaupon bukan menulis sajak atau novel, tetapi menulis di sini: perkara-perkara yang pelbagai. Mungkin hari ini, saye ade topik. Berat topik ini, tapi saye tetap ingin mengulas kerana saye terpanggil untuk mengulas.

Topik saye ialah persoalan agama.
Selama ini, saye ikut je ape ustazah dan buku teks cakap tentang Islam - semua hukum-hukum dan segala ibadat yang perlu dilaksanakan. Saye ikut tanpa mempersoalkan apa-apa kerana mereka adalah orang-orang yang mahir dalam bab-bab agama. Namun saye tak mendapat input sebegini untuk selamanya. Sekarang, saye di universiti, tiada ustazah...hanya Tafsir Quran je yang saye ade. Saye mengaku saye jarang baca. Again, saye buat saje segala ape yang saye dah selama ini buat - tak minum arak, solat, makan halal etc.

Bile saye datang sini, terasa diri dicabar. Segala ape yang saye rasa selesa untuk lakukan (seperti saye senaraikan di atas), sudah menjadi bahan pertanyaan orang. Orang di sini curious, itu saye pon tahu. Dalam masa yang sama, saye rase ade daya yang memerlukan saye lebih menjaga diri. Lebih daripada ape di Malaysia kerana di sini, perkara-perkara untuk memesongkan seseorang tak perlu dicari, ia akan datang sendiri. Oleh itu, perlunya saye menjaga diri dalam erti menjauhkan diri daripada perkara-perkara korup ini. Mungkin mudah bagi sesetengah pihak apabila berada di sini. Kalau ade support rakan-rakan seMalaysia atau seagama, mungkin senang juga. Namun, hanya saye dan Izzy berada di sini. Kami hanya boleh memperingati sesama sendiri. Namun, saye bersyukur ade aunty2 di sini yang saye memang anggap seperti saudara mara sendiri. Mereka pon sesama beringat.

Namun, perkara sebegini tidak semudah itu. Saye mungkin menganggap ianya mudah untuk berpuasa; tapi orang di sini tidak. Mereka curious. Semakin hari, semakin ramai yang bertanya soalan-soalan agama kepada saye. Dan inilah masanye yang susah untuk saye jawab; kerana selama ini, saye hanya ikut hukum-hukum ini tanpa banyak tanye. Sewajarnye, saye perlu tahu kenape hukum-hukum itu diwajibkan oleh Allah s.w.t. kerana orang-orang di sini mahu tahu. Cabaran itu, saye sendiri yang salah kerana tak amik peduli. Contohnya, kenape orang Islam tak boleh makan pork. Hum. I looked dumb at that table. Tapi, jangan katakan saye jahil pula apebila membaca post ini setakat ini. Baca lagi...

Mungkin saye yang bangang. Isunya bukan berhenti di situ. Apa pula kata kamu semua apabila ade orang mencabar hukum-hukum ini? Pada pendapat saye, ini cabaran lagi besar. Menerangkan kepada orang-orang ini apekah sebab-sebab hukum ini diwajibkan. Wanita wajib menutup aurat. Saye dan kamu pon tahu itu; dan kite tahu kenapa ia diwajibkan. Saye dengan yakin sekali menerangkan. Namun, ade juge mereka yang keras kepala dan tak mahu menerima jawapan "because we are humble", dan ini tiba masanye untuk approach jawapan yang berbeza. Saye terangkan yang paling detail. Dan sesungguhnya, orang ini tidak berpuas hati. Dan saye perlu counter orang ini. Beliau nyatakan manusia dicipta in the face of God; so kalau Tuhan itu cantik, manusia kene laa mempertontonkan kecantikan itu. Jawapan saye senang, kecantikan bukan dikira dari body parts sebab "kecantikan" itu hanyalah mengundang rasa-rasa pelik di kalangan lelaki. Die bersetuju dengan kenyataan itu. Lagipon, bukankah semua orang di dunia ini bersetuju kecantikan dalaman lagi penting? Aiseyhh orang itu. Apadaaa, buat letih je berdebat kat meja makan.

Kemudian saye terfikir, lantak aku laa aku pilih agama ini. Yang orang-orang ini sibuk-sibuk ape hal? Aku respect ape mereka buat; kenape tidak untuk aku. Tiada pula saye mempersoalkan aktiviti kegemaran mereka untuk minum arak? Tapi jika saye berfikir begitu dan memberi jawapan emo sebegitu, selamanya orang akan salah faham tentang Islam. Sebab itu kalau orang tanye, saye beri jawapan penuh. Ayam kene slaughtered with prayers to Allah.

Dan untuk para pemakan sayur di luar sane yang makan sayur kerana i don't want to eat living things; sayur-sayur pon living things. sekian.

later gators,

ps: saye dah google nape b.a.b.i takleh dimakan.