I may be working on a new blog, but this space will always remain as my favourite. It is THE place where all of my life journey is penned down. Such a good feeling to recall the wonders of my days in the University.
Well, years later, here I am. Back to this old space after figuring out what was the email and password to login. The past one month was very challenging for me as I started my On-Job-Training with a new department at work, became a single mom as hubby was away AND turning the big 3-0. Of course, nothing was set in stone and up until now, I am uncertain of how to manage all these life changing events.
My teacher once said, she can simply push me into a crowd of people and I will know how to mingle. Such was the confidence of a teacher. To my defense, NO. I can't swim in a pool where I don't know what the depth of the water is. I can barely swim just to get me across and not drown. It was so stressful to think of how to adapt in a new environment. All the thoughts of people's perspective of me kind of linger in my head for quite some time. I did make the decision to do this OJT, but really I'm trying to tell myself that I'm not ready for this just yet. That I need to delay and give excuses for this delay. What I do know was, this is a GOOD opportunity for me to step out of my comfort zone and learn something new. Oh com'on, it's Geophysics! Who am I kidding, right? This gal has no Geophysics background! I keep telling myself that I need to tackle my fear and try to swim. I have to adapt. I have to be a chameleon and blend in.
So a month has passed and there are so many things that I can say about the changes that took place. But one thing very certain is, I became a positive person. I believe that a lot of things can happen and I am in charge of making it happen. They are not just small talks or ideas. I can actually turn them into a reality, I guess in this case, a project. Worthy of my time and effort and the learning curves are pretty demn steep. I think we can complain. We should allow ourselves to complain and whine when things are not in our favour. But always turn the table upside down and read between the line. Every cloud has a silver lining. Am harnessing the positivity from the environment I am in.
You don't know your strength until being strong is the only option. Oh dear, being a single parent, even if for 10 days, is very very very tough. Maybe my parenting skills need sharpening or just my baby is more cranky with just Mommy around. Gosh! Day 1 was so miserable that I feel like crying alone in the bathroom. I punished myself and what's worst is, I punished my baby by ignoring him at some point in time. I gave in to Youtube and ate fast food and gave empty promises to my baby. I took time to shower under the context of "Me Time". At one point, it was dreadful to think of going home. It was not healthy. But when I look back, I just want to praise all the single parent out there for being strong. I'm strong and each of the things that happened just make me stronger and more calm to face it the next day as I already know what to anticipate with each of his tantrum.
Of course, part of me is also saying I am strong and I can brave this on my own. Just that, there is nothing wrong in seeking for help. Maybe I was too scared to admit that. My mom called and she said she is coming over to help. Such a big relief. Then my cousin decided to tag along to keep my mom company. Wow, what a difference that make. I still do all my usual chores on my own and we didn't even cook everyday, but just the house was lively and it was nice to have company. Maybe if my mom didn't come, I would be talking crazy already by now. The company kept me alive.
-- rentetan hidupku untuk sebulan ini--