Sayonara :)

The view of my falling apart "LOVE" wall is not the thing I want to show you! My backpack, all the way from Malaysia. 

Well...

Toodles my noodle gators!

I will see you in January. I'm off for a little adventure where I will be hiking my way up, sandboard my way down and lie down on the beach while enjoying the sea breeze. I hope you won't miss me too much :) 

Oh, remember this? 

I will read my 10 year old letter here: 

It's an oasis alright. 

Till then, I wish you all the best for your remaining exams. And of course, Merry Christmas for those who celebrate it and a Happy Happy New Year to all :)

FZ

ps: My long awaited message doesn't come. I should have seen it coming. 

 

the element of surprise

lalalalalalala. i have a feeling for the rest of this week, i'll wake up feeling excited to check my inbox. im waiting for a message, a rather important one. so, any unrelated messages will make my day go bad. darn! stop sending me anymore messages, not until i get the one i want :) so im waiting for that surprise every morning. and if it doesn't come, i guess i'll have my answer.

fz

Normal People.

As much as I like to keep in touch with ALL my friends, I find that impossible. The ones I talk to often are those in Canada. It feels as though distance is the reason for being so lost from one another and that I am only living a present life; without even paying my past a visit. Where do I even begin to tell you how bad I feel? or simply how much I miss them now? I do have their facebook and when I look at their new photos, Oh Boy how people have changed over the years and the fact that I don't even get to "be there" in their lives when exciting/good things happen make me sad even more. Sometimes, I get jealousy struck when I saw pictures of their new friends and their new life, but somewhere between the two, I am not included. I'm not supposed to comment on that though, 'cause life is now and you ultimately made those choices to end where it ends so far. But a lil remorse doesn't hurt, no? You know, that small, silly voices at the back of everybody's head that ask all the "what if" questions? Haha. I laugh at my own stupidity at times. Like seriously, how do these "keep in touch" things work anyways? Like comment on a friend's picture once in awhile? or leave a wall? a message? or simply flooding somebody notification with ridiculous application invites?? I don't know my best way yet. I tried commenting on their pictures or send them a message, but the conversation was typical and in all honesty, I hate it. All because it is too all of a sudden to message someone "How are you?". Imagine that after not hearing from a friend for 4 years. Awkward? YES! I want to talk like we used to talk, is that so hard to ask for? It will never be the same again; I feel that already. And along that line, I want to ask, what happened? But it is a question for both sides to answer; so, I'll skipped that. 

Huh, so can I safely conclude that things will never be the same again? No matter how much you care for a person before, it can only go so far. In the end, people changed. I changed. For better or for worst, he/she is still my friend and I want to remember that forever. 

But, I want to restate my first claim. It is not impossible to keep in touch, it is just a two-way thing. I need you, you need me kinda swing. Ahh! Life can be simplerrr right. 

FZ

ps: title yang slightly menyimpang dari ape sepatutnye

I prefer RED

I am blue da be di da be da

If I'm green

I would die

Huh. On that note, GOOD LUCK gators!!

- fz

Estrogen

I cannot remember how we ended up talking about pollution while studying for Metallogeny, but we did and it was ... erm, somewhat informative and hilarious.

It began when I said something about the pollution in Sudbury and that some animals are mutant in Sudbury Lake (don't quote me on this!!). And my friend went, Oh really? 

Then I got rather confused and tried to sway what I said previously because I wasn't too sure myself. Instead, we started to talk about how high level of toxicity in lake can cause some male fish to have eggs and some frogs to have 5 legs (I saw this picture in my Sed Petrology class)! I was laughing so hard already. My friend continued by saying it was the breakdown of bla bla bla bla (I forgot, but I think it's plastic) that release some chemical into the water that somewhat mimic estrogen; thus, the male fish in that water became "female". Weird? It happened yo! And while I think that's hilarious (geez!! so insensitive!), there is a bigger outcome to that. I heard Sudbury has more girls than boys, I said (again, I can't verify this). Then she said, don't you know the ratio of men:women in the world is actually really really low and somehow this "estrogen" pollution has something to do with that. Actually, I do know there are more women to men these days, I knew it since sekolah rendah when I learned about signs of dunia dah nak khiamat. But, of course I didn't tell her that. LOL. Humff, terlupa pula hakikat itu. I guess I have to remember all the poor fish and frogs to remind myself Dunia is about to end. Wallahualam.

So I guess this is the way science explains why there is more women to men? and to me, I do believe science can explain some of the things Allah had outlined in the Quran. Cause they all should tie in. I'm not too sure about this can explain why we have more women today than men, but hey, it is a good reminder, nevertheless.

Well, lets try to control our pollution yer folks! <--- Gosh I have so many things to say bout this issue. If you read March 2009 issue of National Geographic, you will see why I have a lot to comment on! Now no time maaa.....

OK, mari bekerja semula.

Oh wait, it's 2.44am now, I would rather go to bed.

Toodles gators ;)

FZ

Skeleton

Today, I can tell you I feel disconnected. I admit this today for something that has been going on for quite awhile. My mind and heart are not in-sync and somehow, they decided to overrule one another. My conscience is way off, far away I can't tell you where it went. Am I doing fine? You may ask. I'd say YES. I am fine. I believe I am. However, there are these small voices in my head that is pushing me away from myself, stripping my entire "self" and leave only, humff my skeleton? Do I feel vulnerable? Absolutely. So vulnerable that I feel people misjudge me for some expectations they have in me. I feel their trust in me, but at times to live up to that expectation can lead to an agonizing defeat. But maybe, just maybe, that painstaking path is rewarding in the end.  

Maybe I don't sound to well, but hey, I am not here to write about some effing negativity. I don't spread sh*t. People can have expectation in you, but what is your expectation of yourself? What is my expectation for myself? I remember telling people about MISI & VISI when I presented a talk to some form 5 students, one boy told me he doesn't get it. I explained it to him and I wished him good luck after that. Now, I want to ask myself. What is my MISI & VISI? It doesn't seem like that long ago that I "invented" my MISI & VISI. When some of my VISI is deviating off course, my MISI is still the same. 

I'd say I want to live up to the expectations given to me. Why? Cause I know these painstaking journey is rewarding. I want to see the light at the end. Somehow I know, I will regret if I didn't endure this pain and make it work, not for anybody else but for myself. You see, this is an opportunity created for me, I don't see why I should be complaining. So I am not. But, along the way I need to reconnect myself. My brain and my heart has to be in-sync to make it work. Well, that has to be soon. This opportunity will not be great if I do not make it great! Agree? LOL. Hopefully my Xmas will make me excited again. I'm somewhat pumped right now, but I could use some more. Hah!

I took this picture with my daddy's camera. 

Dear Moon, you are too cute!! Please stay like this forever.

(haha, tak Raya laaa macam tuhh)

Later all my gators.

U guys rock!

FZ

Sad SIDENOTE: So, my sister cannot make it to my graduation next year because she has exams during that period. Sad eh? So, most likely it will just be Mama at my graduation. Tengah plan with Ariff for some getaway to Vancouver end of May. The plan is, our parents fly to Vancouver together and we meet them there :) And then, kami jalan2 in Vancouver before my mom and I catch a flight back to London. Aww! So folks, korang tak nak datang my graduation ker? Tak kesian ke dekat Farisa yang glam-rock-the-boat ni?? Humff. (Maybe ayat last tu sedikit gedixxx haha!)