Conform

I woke up today and I quickly grabbed my cellphone. What time is it? With my eyes half opened and my whole body still wrapped in the comforter, I braved myself to look at the time. 6am. I'm still okay. Wait, what? 6am?!! Feeling hungry with parched skin, chapped lips and my voice couldn't even come out from my throat, I asked, "What happened?"

Overslept happened.

The reality was I need those sleeping hours. Being the only one here, there is no working shift for me. I'm on my own. Whatever happened, I'm accountable to answer those questions. So, I had minimal sleep. I was up all night to monitor logging. And the night before, I was on guard for drilling. Though I may steal some hours for my beauty sleep, I didn't. Instead I went around studying things and understand all the things related to my work. Seriously, I felt accomplished.

I never actually wrote about my experience offshore. Some say it is exciting to be out here. Some say I must be one tough chick to survive living offshore. The truth is, it is only tough as far as your mind would put it and not to forget, it's men's world here. I cannot escape this truth because in the end, I'm the one who has to "fit in" with the boys. This time around, I'm the only girl here and so guess what? I'd prefer to write it out from a female point of view.

I'd would say just from the surface, living offshore is interesting. Depends on which rig I went to, I always feel I get the best of everything to make me feel at home. Here, my room is spacious! I got a bunk bed, a 24" flat screen TV with a few Astro channels, a dvd player and a mini refrigerator. Then, in my office, I have a phone and my own internet cable. Seriously, what more can you ask for? Get this, I hate doing laundry. It's the only so-called-female-stereotype-chore that I hate doing! Even I don't hate ironing clothes that much. Here, the housekeeping guys wash and fold your clothes for you. They even clean your room. It's like you're staying in a hotel. You come back from work with your clothes ready and room cleaned. Oh, I don't make a lot of mess, mind you :)

Then, the food. Ahh, food in general is always good. It's a trap, I know, with all the good, yummy food around, but I cannot say no to steak, can I? ...I'm trying to imagine my life in Canada where I was a vegetarian for the most part...how did I survive, then? I don't have the answer, hihi. They always have western and local dishes everyday, so whatever your heart desires that day, just please help yourself. Today for lunch, I had rice with beans, sambal terung and steamed fish with a hint of cencaluk ;) then, I had chocolate cake. I've been craving for chocolate cake somehow...

Of course, other than that, staying offshore means I don't use $$; instead I get $$. With me being a big spender, this is a good set back. I don't have to get up everyday thinking what should I wear today cause for all I know my outfit is either my yellow coverall or tshirt+yoga pants. But the big one hooray is, I don't have to wake "early" cause the roads/LRT will be packed if I were late. That is a +1 for me.

Surething you'll find my story to be somewhat compelling up until now. Like I said, that is what's on the surface. The real challenge is more like how do I fit in?

With Johnny and Jonathan at the Mudlogging Unit

p/s: Been watching American Idol here.

Solitude

I heard "When it is the darkest, men see the stars" (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Emerson speaks my thoughts almost perfectly. Our thoughts are always very much in sync.

I speak of solitary now.

I wish this is not my darkest moments, but like Emerson, I see stars in my solitary hours. A chance for me to ponder on the things I'm yet to achieve. Big ambitions are for big dreamers or daydreamers. Perhaps I can say with confidence I was a big dreamer back in high school. I imagined myself doing a bunch of amazing and out of this world thing. One is to work for the United Nation. I was very much interested in charitable work from the get go. When I was 16, I read an article about women struggles in Timor Leste and there was an address in the article calling for volunteers. I wanted to write a letter to that person stating my interest. Of course, that didn't happen cause guess why? I was 16 and I had SPM the following year. After that, I got so caught up with school I paid no attention to this so called ambition. I joined some kind of anti-nuclear club in university (whaaat??? I know!) in the hopes of lining myself with the right conscience once more. That failed. I did some volunteer work for YMCA and I felt good. Bits of my ambition is now accomplished. Even the smallest stories on human survivor or struggles I typically read in National Geographic gave me tears. I remembered I met a person who used to be a volunteer in Acheh after the Tsunami devastation. I was impressed that he took some time to do such work. I always go back to his story to remind people that others can do it, why can't we?

While hiking the Inca Trail in Peru, we took a lunch break and decided to watch the villagers playing soccer. It was their must do Sunday activity, so hooray! Surething I was watching, but my eyes were drawn to a mother of two trying to play and please her kids. They had no toys, but they were playing with a bottle cap. I said to my buddies, I wanted to take pictures of them. I approached them and tried to be friendly. Gladly they accepted me well. One child had a really long scar on his face and he was aggressive, to say the least, but his brother was cute as a button. I wondered how he got the scar but the language barrier set me off. It wasn't my intention to stick my nose in either. He warmed up to me after some time. I felt happy. After some time, it just hit me, while I find their lives to be far from what I experienced in my childhood they are very much content with their lives. However, I cannot escape the thought of what does the future holds for them? Where will they 10 years from now. You know, some people had it easy. I would count myself in, but others don't. Is being content NOW enough for the future? I tried to look into becoming a UN volunteer once more; this time the age limit failed me. I had to be 26 yrs old. Ok, I think I was looking at the right bits of info on that. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Surething celebrities get to be UN ambassadors, they are "the face" people can easily associate with. At one point, I think I have to be famous to get this in my hands. But then again, I don't think I tried hard enough even.

So, it's dark outside and I'm in the middle of an ocean, can I clear my head to see what I really should commit myself to?

And I'm quoting Emerson again, "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen". I'm holding on to his words, once more

Nampak agak beriya...

(credit Mbn)

p/s: Tudung hijau, baju kuning. Some said I wore Australia today. Hihi

Far

As I'm moving forward, I can't help but to look back. Maybe something back there is worth keeping. Something happened back there to build you. Something happened back there to break you. Just something to make you larger than life today.

I will always be reminded of the things in the past cause a thing is always something.

p/s: batuk dowh. and busy mcm hampeh.

Open

Can one ever be tired of being independent? Resting everything on one's shoulder and taking all the pain to oneself with much caution. Maybe one can call it a quit. And for once, let someone in. Cause what is the meaning of happiness if you stand there all alone with a stranger taking your photo.

p/s: I close my eyes and pray (Justin Bieber, Pray). Love this song.

heartbeats

your heart may be beating fast for many reasons. for me, it's 'cause of coffee.

but today, i feel scared of something. overwhelmed by it. i guess this is when i should start pay extra attention to it. the fine details make a great piece of art, so start to look closely at them!

i'm trying to put aside what's around me that do not matter and see only at the things that is worth it, for now. like someone said to me before, takut yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran. i applied it here. so, focus la weyy! hehe

p/s: wish to go back to NYC. i so belong there.

Up for grabs.

Here

My kind of way has always been to keep calm and carry on. Maybe George Bernard Shaw was right after all. Gaining my heart's desire was a tragedy that I kept myself up for a promise that looped in a circle and ended at where it started. But tragedy in its way is no Macbeth or King Lear. It's a fallen persona that evokes consciousness before a downfall. And that pain and suffering one had to endure are the constant conviction of faith, the kind one hopes to keep on believing in. No surprise. Be careful, faith can be a trap or the rope for you to hang on to. There is, of course, a choice.

I will be fine. It is a decision I made regardless of the consequences, which if I may add, are not severe. Two people do get to be together without any labels attached cause for all I know the only label I want is "a friend".

p/s: I should get this poster the next time I see it. I like it pink :)

Be young

2006. I still look like this now. Maybe I know how to smile better.

OK. Now I know why some say I still look like a student although I'm a corporate person now. Damn. Some people are not meant to grow up. That much I know. Thanks to those who think I am that young. Haha.

p/s: post ni saje sbb dah stress orang slalu ingat i'm a student; thus, they have that thing on the face that sort of say "can i take her seriously."

TV show

You don't see my passion until you stand/sit to listen me talk about Survivor.

An addict, that's what I am.

p/s:

Survivor: Cook Island was by far the best season.

Harapan

Does this hope have a shape?

A circle?

One that starts at a point and goes on to end up at the same starting point?

But where is your starting point? Only in the end to call it the finish point?

Arthur Miller once wrote, maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.

Is your finish point your right regrets?

p/s: a circle has no edges

Volare!

So, it's January. And that means a few friends, who are studying in overseas, just got back from their winter break vacation! And that is a cause for green with envy in me. Haha. I just got back from a meeting in Johor Bahru a few hours ago. While I'm out for a business trip, I get to collect airmiles points as well. Hehe. For the last 4 weeks, I've been a regular at KLIA. I flew in and out of KL almost every week. Urghh! And at times, I didn't get to unpack my bags even. Just took out some clothes, put in new ones and just leave the toiletries etc in my backpack. If I can say something about the frequency of me flying here and there, I'd say it's okay. I'm 23 with no major responsibilities. Maybe only this time around I get to be selfish and just live life like it's meant to be. Who knows along the way, I'll meet with a lot of interesting people. And that is always the case when I go around. Business card? Checked!

While my traveling days as a student are long time over, I guess this new kind of traveling is not so bad afterall. We still get to hang out and pusing2 a little bit with my working colleague, but the mood is entirely different. This is the time to hear their stories, their experience and some "gossips". Hehe. I mean, you don't get to really know a person at work 'cause you gotta keep it "professional". We hang out at Danga Bay on our first night in JB and that was fun. Heard lots of stories, discussed lots of things and enjoyed an awesome live performance! Humff. Then, meeting, makan, meeting lagi and makan lagi. We had an impromptu rig visit after the meeting. It was great visit, mainly cause we get to take pictures everywhere without any worry that the flash may be a cause of ignition; thus, start a fire. FYI, I need a permit to take pictures on the rig. And don't dream to take pictures of everything on the rig when drilling commences. See, why I say it's great? :) I can't imagine I'll be living on that rig in a few weeks time! I'm so excited. So far, people are looking great on the rig. But typical boys, they'll get excited when they see girls onboard.

Izzy and I kept remisnicing Orlando while we were in JB. Maybe because Universal Studio is just a swim away :p

Ok, my mafias decided to go to Bukit Tinggi tomorrow. Hehe. Berjalan-jalan lagi :)

p/s: Bace Going Places pon dah bosan :(