Skeleton

Today, I can tell you I feel disconnected. I admit this today for something that has been going on for quite awhile. My mind and heart are not in-sync and somehow, they decided to overrule one another. My conscience is way off, far away I can't tell you where it went. Am I doing fine? You may ask. I'd say YES. I am fine. I believe I am. However, there are these small voices in my head that is pushing me away from myself, stripping my entire "self" and leave only, humff my skeleton? Do I feel vulnerable? Absolutely. So vulnerable that I feel people misjudge me for some expectations they have in me. I feel their trust in me, but at times to live up to that expectation can lead to an agonizing defeat. But maybe, just maybe, that painstaking path is rewarding in the end.  

Maybe I don't sound to well, but hey, I am not here to write about some effing negativity. I don't spread sh*t. People can have expectation in you, but what is your expectation of yourself? What is my expectation for myself? I remember telling people about MISI & VISI when I presented a talk to some form 5 students, one boy told me he doesn't get it. I explained it to him and I wished him good luck after that. Now, I want to ask myself. What is my MISI & VISI? It doesn't seem like that long ago that I "invented" my MISI & VISI. When some of my VISI is deviating off course, my MISI is still the same. 

I'd say I want to live up to the expectations given to me. Why? Cause I know these painstaking journey is rewarding. I want to see the light at the end. Somehow I know, I will regret if I didn't endure this pain and make it work, not for anybody else but for myself. You see, this is an opportunity created for me, I don't see why I should be complaining. So I am not. But, along the way I need to reconnect myself. My brain and my heart has to be in-sync to make it work. Well, that has to be soon. This opportunity will not be great if I do not make it great! Agree? LOL. Hopefully my Xmas will make me excited again. I'm somewhat pumped right now, but I could use some more. Hah!

I took this picture with my daddy's camera. 

Dear Moon, you are too cute!! Please stay like this forever.

(haha, tak Raya laaa macam tuhh)

Later all my gators.

U guys rock!

FZ

Sad SIDENOTE: So, my sister cannot make it to my graduation next year because she has exams during that period. Sad eh? So, most likely it will just be Mama at my graduation. Tengah plan with Ariff for some getaway to Vancouver end of May. The plan is, our parents fly to Vancouver together and we meet them there :) And then, kami jalan2 in Vancouver before my mom and I catch a flight back to London. Aww! So folks, korang tak nak datang my graduation ker? Tak kesian ke dekat Farisa yang glam-rock-the-boat ni?? Humff. (Maybe ayat last tu sedikit gedixxx haha!)