for the sake of it

winter break is over.

I bought a Beatles notebook as my travelling journal.

And so this time I went to San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles, Grand Canyon and Las Vegas. I have no complains at all. Although I somewhat think I became a different person after the trip, simply because the companions I had this time.

All this while, I pretty much have been travelling with people of similar interest as I am; however, my buddies this time have different interest and of course, different personalities. I do appreciate these differences because it actually allows me to explore other options. It feels like liberating yourself in a way, because at times I do feel like stucked just in one view without any other options to discover. Now I know sometimes grass is always greener over the other side :) And because I can read ur mind, I know u r asking yourself what am I talking about right now...

Easy.

When I travel, it is always one big luggage, a fancy handbag, fancy jacket if I needed one, everything with glitz and glam cause that is how I want to portray myself. I do not like to get "in touch" with anything less than that. Having said so, no offence, but I like to sleep comfortable and so yeah, fancy hotel too laahhh.

Tapi, that's just me. I can't be "that" person when I take into account my other friends. Since I am somewhat kedekut too, I agree to stay at hotel biasa; although I managed to convince my friend to stay at NYNY in Las Vegas :)
To say the least, I am very impressed witht the hotels we stayed in SF and LA. It was a lot better than NYNY. To me, NYNY is a bit overrated with its exterior and all that leaves the so-called awe impression when actually the facilities are crappy. No internet? Can u imagine that? Even the 2 cheap hotels provided internet. Huge dissapointment. I felt bad for choosing this hotel lol. (just cause it is soo New York)

Maybe u don't know this about me, but I'm a control freak. I don't control people, so dont worry dudes. I control myself. I think I like the sense of having control over things. I just dont mind if I have to plan everything, not at all. Because in doing so, I know things and somewhat "have control over them". I talked to my friends before we left, apparently, they just say "ahh, itu nanti2 pon boleh buat, every night plan pon boleh". That is not how I roll, but what the hell. In the past 2 winter breaks, I decided where to go weeks before the holiday. Haha. Call me a freak, I would totally understand. This time, it's different. I can feel the differences, like totally. I just "let go" of being a control freak and let things just flow as nature intended. My oh My how that creeps me out at first, but I have faith in these people. And yes, I enjoyed everything that we planned last minute, like San Diego! It was not on our agenda, but sure glad that we went there cause that is the reason we got to stop at Laguna Beach and enjoy the beautiful sunshine by the beach! This time, I didnt become the human-GPS, instead Nasri and Mubeen became the GPS. It felt awkward relying on people to find directions cause I normally would do it myself. I guess it is by default that they will take that role (?) cause they are guys...this sounds a lil sexist, oh well.

Then again, due to the odd number of travellers (5 people), there is a tendency that people stick 1-2-2, 2-3 or 1-1-3 at times. And I sometimes become that 1 person to be walking alone. Not gonna complain, because that moment of solitude got me to think a lot. It gives me some clarity to ponder on myself, especially on the person I'm turning into. How far I've gone to become me today, somebody people like to view as dateenz la, paris la, ape laa kan. I've gone far. I've made a remark during the trip about who I was in the past, and a friend said, "what happened along the way?". If I have to pick a time, I would say Taylor's changed me, because I know I'm gonna meet new people, strangers that do not know my existence before. I see it as an opportunity to become that person I actually want to be. How far can I go? I can't answer, because somewhere in me right now feels not good. It doesn't feel fake altogether, but part of it does. The problem is, I care too much what people has to say about me and lose my own stand. Anyways, no regrets aite? I still care what ppl say, that's just me.

I think so far, u got my msg. How different this time is. I like it a lot, despite feeling a little vulnerable saying all these things. I do have some observations on my fellow companions, and I bonded with them based on that observations. What I like about them is they don't restrict themselves when they want to say or do smthing. I restrict myself, nmpak macam innocent. So yeah, some of their talks I could get lost in translation. But I gotta give them credits for just say they wanna say and do whatever they wanna do. Sure there are some boundaries, but somehow, I just don't care. Again, keeping myself a little grounded somewhat sounds too old too. Kite kan dah mature, so ape2 buat pon with responsibility laa kan, smthing we all shud have known.

Insights yang tak detail siap satu utk korang bace...This post is weak, I know without any examples or evidence, but I just chose to keep it that way. I feel too vulnerable already...