Joyride of 2010

Bye bye 2010. You'll be missed.

I will mark 2010 as the year of liberty! why? Cause I went from student to employee. My first ever job, if I may add.

Much like my "Joyride of 2009" post, I should do the same for 2010!

So lets see some of the highlights (& lowlights) of 2010.

Big Teary Moment

Won the Bachelor Thesis Award 2010 from Ontario Petroleum Institute. Read the email at 5.50am with my eyes half opened. I was so shocked; my heart was racing and in my head I said "is this for real?". I cried minutes later. I called Kerol. He hated when I call him at odd hours. Haha. I cried even more after that. Then, I jumped around in the shower :) Nothing could go wrong that day. Hope you know I busted my arse off for that paper. And of course, for a chance to appear in the Down-to-Earth Newsletter, nothing can go wrong!

Best Bimbo Moment

Went on a cruise from Miami-Key West-Cozumel-Miami. Thanks to the influence from Pisau Cukur. Izyan even bought a huge hat for that...

Leaving Miami

Besar dowh kapal

Best Makan-makan Moment

At Bagan Lalang with the mafias!!! We had seafood at HM Sri Bagan. The food was amazing. On the way home, we made yet another stop for ice-cream! Heaven lah!

Best Mommy-Daughter Moment

Of course when she came over to Canada. Even my twin sister flew all the way from UK to join us! And I became the tour guide (& the driver!). My mom never had the chance and time to just travel like us, so I'm so happy I got to take her around :) It was a tiring 3 weeks for her, but hey everyday was very well spent! Took her to NYC, Montreal, Toronto, Bruce Peninsula, London and Niagara Falls. Kinda funny when I made my mom walked all around Manhattan. As I'm a self-proclaimed Manhattan local, I took her to so many places...not just to tourist spots. Sorry mommy, the only way to enjoy Manhattan is by walking :) Plus, she got to meet her old time friend who now migrated to NYC. Love!

Although I still can't forget how I walked into the LV boutique at 5th Avenue wearing silly flip flops and demanded my mommy to buy me one. Pffttt! Nice try, but no success :( But I like it when mommy says it's okay to swipe Daddy's credit card. Weeee!

Mommy and the Brooklyn Bridge

Statue of Liberty loves us!

Old time sake!

We're sure don't look like twins! Just us three "hiking" at Bruce Peninsula.

Best LIVE performace

Hands down, DAVE MATTHEW'S BAND. With that dude 5m from me, I can't describe the excitement lah. Too awesome!

Best thing I bought

It has to be my Love-Peace-Music Moleskine (CAD26). Bought it as a bday present for myself. A new journal. Haha. I have a name for it already. If Green Life refers to my previous diary, you have to wait until I change the name of this blog to know.

Most expensive thing I bought

A car. Duhh. My Perodua Viva cutelah!

Best Girls-Night-Out Moment

With Izzy. In Miami. Nuff said. The details are up to your imagination. Hehe

Best New Found Love

Anthony Bourdain

Best stress moment

To TD a well! I like the intensity of it. And how I got so anxious to know if we TD at the right lithology. And for that, our correlation with offset well has to be right. I love correlating wells! Arghh!

Best "I feel so important" moment

Strangers wanted to take pictures with me at Carassauga 2010. Why? Cause they wanna have a picture with the girl in the turquoise baju kurung :)

And I was excited to take pictures with others as well

Best "Whoa, he did not just say my name!" moment

When the Vice President of Academic at UWO recognized and congratulated me on stage during my convocation. He even know my effing name!

Silly Tears Moment

Stressed out when a friend made me looked like shit in front of others.

Worst lets find something decent

House hunting! Dangg! Why in the world can't I find a nice place to settle in?

Worst why am I here again? moment

On a ship trying to understand how seismic data were obtained. I lost >3kg in 1 week. I think you can guess why.

Worst "I can pee in pants for this" moment

To board on a helicopter, flew 50 minutes to the rig that is in the middle of nowhere. Ok, what if the helicopter crashed into the sea. Arghhh! Well, it's all good now. Hehe.

Not so happy phone call moment

Sleeping. Phone rings. "Anda dipilih bekerja dengan kami. Tunggu surat kami". And I just arrived Malaysia 7 days ago. No break. Sad.

(p/s: I sure glad I didn't take a long break cause I enjoy working!)

Lets hope I can find more things to add here.

p/s: If perfect is what you are searching for, then just stay the same. Sape nak cakap these words to me?

Bergelora-lah

The waves are beginning to look a little choppy compared to yesterday, but I heard the weather is picking up. A little heads up for myself: I may get drenched tonight! Yesterday was so calm and I like it. As I'm waiting for my current-partner-in-crime, Annas to finish looking at cuttings under the microscope, I do log correlation. Oh, after getting so used to everything in colours, it is a strain to the brain to adjust to black and white. I must bear in my mind of the certain technology-luxury today has compared to the past, past years. I still wonder today how different things were back in those days.

Status:

Log correlation, OK.

Cuttings, OK.

ROP, OK.

Gamma ray, somewhat OK.

Everything ties in very well. So, I'm taking a 5 minute break to write this out while waiting for the next cutting to arrive. Annas is already "resting" at a corner, a buddy is playing Coldplay "Fix You" and I'm still trying to search for a story to write. I thought I have a lot to write about, but no, I'm only rambling here. I can only appreciate my time I have right now cause I just realized, I should be working 24 hrs here. The intensity of it is yet to kick in, so I can't start dreaming of it yet. It will come tomorrow as we approach the section total depth. For now, I just want to enjoy my quiet time with the boys while trying to put aside the countless reports and other office-related matters. Haha. What a life!

Ok, where is my partner-in-crime when I need him!

p/s: what's for lunch?

Guru

I personally think Anthony Bourdain is my guru. Travel-wise. Food-wise.

;)

p/s: dreaming of Paris 'cause of him.

Play

I may just need to hit the play button just about now.

Today is Awal Muharram. So, Salam Maal Hijrah to all.

As I'm sitting lazily on my bed, I can't help but to look at all my unpack stuff from my previous trip to Labuan last week. Sure I carried a backpack, but still they need to be unpacked pronto! This is when I began to have these thoughts. You know, I'm not that organized after all. As much as I think I made a hell of a planner, I don't jump in when it comes to keeping things tucked in. I rather have my things lying everywhere than to clean them up. My head is messy, no doubt. That is my style. It has to be everywhere or I can't find my things. Ironic, you say? I would agree. OK, now I have something to do over the weekend. Yes, that's justified now!

I met a friend the other day. We talked a lot over dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp & Co. Since I craved for clam chowder, I opted for that. Nothing too fancy. It wasn't that good, in my honest opinion. The clam chowder in sourdough bowl I had at Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco was by far the best. Creamy and yummy. This wasn't creamy at all. Haha.

We shared our opinions on things and we shared about our personal lives as well and we had our differences, too.

Back then, at times when life felt stagnant (especially at night) I would randomly search any related quotes and write it out on a small square piece of paper. Then I pasted it on the wall. More so, I at times would sketch anything I felt like drawing and I pasted it on the wall, too. It was the random things I drew or wrote that makes me felt filled up. I told my friend this. And I wonder why I feel so tangled up now with so many issues and dilemma. I was pretty much happy just by drawing and writing something random. He said he knew me as a simple person. Simple needs, simple passion. The kind that doesn't have to be elaborative to make a point. I would stand to his observation because there is some truth in it. My thoughts are more complicated now 'cause I want to believe in my best ability I grew up. But that doesn't necessary translate to my actions. I just don't care if people make wrong translations because it is always hard to right a wrong.

"Apesal eh I got so caught up with life these days", I said.

Now I know, this is part of growing up. There are a lot more things piling up, and they are not just papers as when I was student. If this is what it takes to be a grown up, I would always be reminded of the small, yet big things that make me happy once upon a time.

In One Hundred Years of Solitude, things in life are condemned to repeat themselves.

p/s: I'm 23. And I have a thing for Andy Warhol

*WISHING WALL*

Pause!

This blog will go on a very long pause. I'll be away until Christmas. Work is calling me and I'm answering it. Hopefully, this time I won't be such a bad luck and I get lots of things done. 'Cause you know, in January something bigger is about to be drilled. So, please welcome me with an open heart wahai Laut China Selatan. I know monsoon is coming but please don't be rough on Mr JackUp, will ya? I don't want to suffer defeat.

Take care my gators.

A day at the beach with friends is the best thing!

I don't mind the heat! It's Malaysia after all.

P/S: I can say I'm off for a work-travel trip this Tuesday!

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

George Bernard Shaw

For crying out loud

THEM:

CRAP, why must you guys be so far away huh? I miss u guys even more now.

p/s: terasa terlalu banyak makan burger

Snap snap!

Oh well, some photos from my balik kampung trip to Kuantan. It is against my norm to take pictures of Kuantan, but what the hell kampung sendiri lagikan dikenang kan... So I took lots of snaps :)

After some major harassment from my cousins and work colleagues on my tudung bawal hitam & putih, I decided to give selendang a try to make them happy. The selendang was provided by my cousin. I still think I like tudung bawal more; although I got compliments even from a stranger at a boutique.

NASI DAGANG Mama buat. Acar je hasil tangan tiga orang. LOL

The Goofies.

Orang asal Kuantan yang pulang ke kampung halaman.

Surething TC is much different than so many years ago.

It's cleaner now and you actually want to take a dip.

Small Saturday crowd.

Cousin interested in rocks...

The Goofies are also interested in rocks

Yours Truly doing her suicidal jump that caused her thigh muscle to tear :(

No physical activities for 2 weeks.

To the other side of Teluk Chempedak

I'm waiting for a passerby to jump

Mommy and baby

True nature :p

White-ice-cream-moustache!

Sekolah pertama lagikan dikenang ;) Been wanting to go back in ever since 1999.

So folks. Have a great weekend ;)

I dont have anything super exciting for this weekend, other than to finish my presentations! Wahh!

Home sweet home

Happy Deepavali to all!

Five days in Labuan and I swear seafood is the last thing I want to see on a menu. Nevertheless, Labuan trip was amazing 'cause I finally get to see all the tools used in drilling. Nothing beats a first eye view on things. I must say they are all way too high-tech for my comprehension! Goodness! Btw, the food was nothing short of yummeh and I had lots of them. I guess my big appetite, which is my true-nature, is no longer a secret to my colleagues ;) I now have to do countless situps to free my head from guilt. Hahaa

Even so, I bought more sinful treats a.k.a Chocolates! Luckily I carried a 40L backpack; so, that sort of limits my desire to buy more. It was the duty-free trap that got all of us spending few hundred ringgit worth of stuff. As for me, I bought 3 kain batik, 1 bracelet and 3 boxes of chocolate. Money, well-spent. Kuddos!

Upon touched down in KLIA, there is only one thing on my mind: Finally, a break from everything! I don't want to think a thing from the smallest to the biggest of all. My parents drove all the way from Kuantan to pick me up and I was a happy kid to see them. Haha. Hey, I'm not a spoiled kid but I would not resist an offer like that ;) I drove daddy's new beast and it was awesome! Picked my cousins up and Poof! Off to the East Coast! KL life is madness and I was actually counting my days to go back.

It wasn't long enough for me to realize my room is a complete mess! I still have boxes unpacked and I spent the night thinking about all the cleanups I have to do. Baik tidur dulu kan hehe. Oh well, my room is effing clean and tidy now, thanks to the help from my cousins. LOL. Datang jauh2 untuk mengemas pulak. Then, my mom made Nasi Dagang for lunch and it was the best! I can't remember the last time I had Mom's nasi dagang. Probably it was more than five years ago! Sigh :( Terpaksa laa tambah 3 kali kan!

At noon, I went to the mall with my cousins and everywhere I looked, I saw discount tags! Deepavali sale, perhaps? Most of them are 50% discount. I don't know about other cities/towns, but I always see discount tags in Kuantan. Haha. Kuasa membeli rendah skit sini ;) But it's okay. That is a good thing for me. If only I have more time at the mall, I could easily end up with bags of stuff.

I realize the longer I left Kuantan, the more I miss this place. It's just such a nice place to live, with small/no jams, low cost of living and everything is within a short distance. It may not have fancy malls/shops/restaurant, but what's available here is good enough for me. Tomorrow, I'm taking my cousins to the beach! Telok Chempedak rules all the beaches in Malaysia! Whoa! Sape tak pernah pergi TC, mmg loser :p

p/s: I could not find my National Geographic magazines in any of the boxes I brought back from Canada :( I'm really sad.

When all is loss, all is left to gain

I lost. And I can only pray to be wiser the next time.

I don't know if my defeat is a defeat to another; but, in a war, somebody's defeat is a victory to the other. There should be fireworks already. With that, I'm retreating to base. Just that, in the next battle I would not be too kind.

p/s: Still in Labuan.

Looking corporate

I think I'm running out of ideas of what to wear to work everyday.

p/s: dulu kan senang. tudung hitam atau putih, Jalan!

Pick a team

Why do life gives me options?

Even when I feel like this is the end, it's not. The road always opens to another path, one where I cannot stray myself from, as much as I want to. Then, decision comes in. Unwelcome. But, a must. I cannot seem to wrap my head around the idea that one decision leads to another and I may fatally suffer the consequences. Maybe it is not my call just yet. Maybe I should see what my decision takes me. Maybe I gave the right answer already. Ahhh, maybes! Like one can care too much for them. I was once at a crossroad. I looked left and I saw me. I looked right and I saw me. Nothing wrong with both pathways, but which is more beautiful? I didn't close my eyes and turn left or right aimlessly. I chose my pathway. One which showed me an escape from my life and gave me a chance to explore other options. I do look back at the other pathway, just to see if I missed it. Maybe a little, but I know I can only care so much about maybes that one day it magically disappears! I told a friend once to always keep her options open. So that, when life gives you apples, you can grab the grapes instead. Huh. Options are healthy, let me tell you this much is true.

p/s: I cried upon hearing good news!

What comes to mind

Pictures that came to mind at midnight.

I took the liberty to post them here 'cause I don't have to get up early tomorrow.

Fun!

Freckle-like rashes around the eyes from trusting a leading brand in skincare!

They are not always the best, so you know.

The cheap ring that got everybody at the office talking (and trying!!!) haha

Two-fingers-key-diamante-ring

Oh well, i like rings ;)

Rindu langsat, boleh tak? Lagi bertambah manis langsat bila orang tolong kait belakang rumah and kite kutip atas tanah. tapi tak seronok bile die jatuh atas kepala. Haha Oh so sweet, anyways!

@Miri. Traveling while working is pretty awesome 'cause I get to meet long time no see friends ;) Say hi to Rok and Faezah y'all!

And of course, what is a Miri-visit without meeting Ariff!

Ariff is still single, at least that is from our last conversation ;)

(arep aku promote kau hehe)

@Bintulu! Now, I'm trying to sound like a loser here. This was my first time eating at Sushi King! The sushi was not that bad, though. Anyways, travel while working took me to them! Uni and Kak Liza y'all!

And Aiman too! He has a new car haha

and perhaps, I could drop a couple of Ringgit Malaysia to buy mommy a pretty gift.

I finally unwrapped this porcelain jug I bought for her in Peru. It was wrapped for more than 8 months. Haha. Sape datang rumah Kuantan, dapat lah dihidang dalam cawan kementot nih...mahu kaa?

Mereka datang rumah, tapi tak sempat plak nak hidang dalam jug tuh. Went to eat at another house instead! Meet Faten, Farhanim and Aziemah y'all. Status mereka: unknown. haha

The pink team! Yours truly and Faten.

I think I could stare at myself for a good 1 minute in the mirror-window behind me. Vain, enough?

p/s: New vs. Old dilemma. I like the old one better 'cause I was the leader.

Vote

I actually voted for this: AYA Awards 2010.

That is Asian Youth Ambassadors Awards 2010.

Yeah, I'm back on land after spending 10 days at sea. The monsoon is approaching so there was no surprise the sea was damn rough on us. I was not in my most handsome condition due to that, but I managed. And, that cost me 3.4kg too. I was somewhat happy to see the weighing scale showing a number less than 50kg for a change. Haha.

Somehow, out of so many things I craved for the past 10 days, I really wanted a frappucino so bad! Humff! And just as I arrived in KL Sentral via ERL, I headed straight to Starbucks and tried their new Creme Brulee Frappe! It was good, but I prefer Java Chip Frappe better :( There, I saw a brochure of AYA Awards 2010. There are 5 finalists and I read their story.

I came across the first person. Oh, HIM! I saw his work before. He is an amazing photographer. No wonder. Ah, great story, too.

Then, I came across the person that once said "...And as I put the last nail into your coffin..." to me and my buddies back in my parliamentary debate days (Yes, I was a debater! Believe it or not!). I read this person's story and I am very impressed. Young and brilliant! I deeply admire all their stories. It hit me 'cause while I only talk talk talk about doing charity work/do something extraordinary, other souls are actually taking the steps to achieve greater things for themselves and others. Damn. I wonder if it was tough when they started their work! (of course it was! who am I kidding????).

So peeps, vote lah if you wish okay. First, read their stories laa dulu ;)

AYA Awards 2010

Even I once said, brilliant young mind does not come too often. I guess this will always hold true.

p/s: mulut terlopong and mata terbeliak bile ayat itu diungkapkan ketika debat ala parlimen dulu...

12 months

In a year, a lot of things can happen. The face of Earth can change entirely; disasters can strike wiping out some of the best known features to mankind. Season goes by and see the smiling faces of many who enjoyed it. A war between two nations can end, with God-willing and lots of forgiveness. Relationships may reach a tipping point or flourish on a high note. Your pet may pass on its life, but you have yours to continue. One poor man can live a life of the rich, by some twist of fate. Your garden may turn out colourful because you have green fingers for that year. But a few million children in Africa will continue to suffer from the same disease they suffered for years and that remains.

Big and small things can happen in a year. You are a year wiser, but where do all these put you?

This is a reminder to myself. To always look ahead and expect the unexpected. But in a year from now, I wish for a better me with my hearts and feelings intact and my chin held up; asking nothing in return, only something to give.

And I would like to quote a friend "We can always plan the things we want to do; in the end it is always up to God to give it to us"

Take care, gators.

burp lagi dan lagi

Hari ni dapat tahu tembikai is "sejuk" = buat perut berangin. Patut laa asyik burp je sejak 2 hari ni. hari2 pagi petang siang malam akan makan tembikai. tetibe je terdetik nak google "makannan berangin" haha. dulu tak penah kisah bile orang ckp some food buat badan berangin. tp, now macam kene take note sikit kot especially atas kapal and tak rasa comfy bile perut berangin. haha

FYI, since ini kapal mat saleh...takde Malaysian food. craving dowh! tak penah rase craving macam gini. even kat Canada pon tak craving. sape boleh explain kejadian begini? ini die dipanggil kesenangan hidup di Malaysia :p

okay. tu je. nampak kan. bosan2 membaca...kite tulis blog!

Finding comfort in a person

Heavy-headed and nauseated at times, I find it less comfortable to utter the words "I'm fine" when the honest truth is I live up to all this in order to be a learner. Ah yes, there are times when you feel as though lying down is all the remedy you need. But, in the midst of that, I do realize it is my normal body condition to react the way it reacted. I mean, this is not my first time and as I go along I do find I'm getting better at adjusting myself to the condition of the sea. Meaning that, I don't need Gravol as much as I used to.

Complains? I have none. Cravings? I have a few.

Just that I'm trying to find comfort in the people that I know. Being so far away from those whom you call family/friends, only good thoughts accompany me during my days at sea. Really. For once, I'm seeking a chance to find comfort in one person, but I consider that as far-reaching as of now. Maybe I'm still trapped in my own cocoon of "what if" but hey, this girl has to be one tough chick to get through her days. Simple enough, there is no point of saying out loud words of discouragement, especially to someone, when good words take you further. In my mind, I'm telling myself over and over that all I need is the right attitude to be a survivor because people come and they go, but I stay.

p/s: I once wrote in my travel journal something that goes like this, "Here I am, looking at the ocean. Alone. My heart feels empty. I'm not sure what to feel. But in that solitary moment, my vision becomes very clear. I see things I'm yet to see...." (Santa Monica, 2008). That is why I like to just stand and stare at the open ocean. Alone, preferably.

One step at a time

TO DO LIST

1. Rock climbing: Something I've always wanted to try. Plus, I gotta work on those toned arms! And I know guys "hate" girls with toned arms (as they keep mentioning it to me), but I seriously don't care.

2. Jogging at KLCC park after work: This would be amazing! Everyday when I go to work in the morning I would be asking myself "Here I am, trying to make a living while others are enjoying life". The thing is I could be doing that too if I have the initiatives and the right motivation!

3. Do yoga: I have all the gears ready! I just need a kickstart here. I know the fatwa says it's haram. But I believe it is haram when chanting is incorporated into it. There is nothing wrong with the movements and what not. This is just my opinion :)

4. Travel to a place truly amazing: I have few places in mind already :) and I don't see myself doing this in few years time, but this will definitely be the priority to me!

5. Read more and more books: I've been like a snail trying to read a book! I should aim to finish a book within a month. Currently, I'm reading One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. My next reading list would be 1984 (by George Orwell) and I Know This Much is True (by Wally Lamb).

6. Be a volunteer/do charity work: Must always give back right?

p/s: Not a fan of the gym. Why pay close to RM200/month when you can just go jog outside?

At 60km/hr

I believe I've been pretty darn "serious" lately. I mean, look at the things I talked about in this blog! Si, Si, I intended so. All of sudden, I'm bursting with issues to talk about. And as I scrolled down, I noticed the ten most recent posts do not have pictures! That is a crime to this blog, eh?

Oh well, I dunno if you know this but I have a car now. Ok lah kereta ni. My only issue is: I know no shit about cars! I just received a call from Perodua and they asked me to send the car for service cause it had travelled more than 1000km. Oh! you do that with new cars huh? I guess I need to ask around where is the nearest service centre is!

Promosi kereta sendiri :p

Of course you knew this already. I went offshore few weeks ago and I was supposed to spend my Hari Raya on the platform. But by some twist of fate, I got to go back to my kampung for Raya. I seriously thought I'm no longer in the mood for Hari Raya, but take this from me...I took things for granted at times. I appreciate my Hari Raya even more this year. The feeling is different...maybe cause I feel like a nomad at times and kampung reminds me of something even more special that I can't even describe. It was a good feeling :)

Somewhere in the middle of South China Sea

The huge mosque opposite of my late grandmom's house.

Mommy in the middle looking like the Ma'am of the house. Haha

Lol. Terlebih makeup. Get this, I don't wear make up to work due to lots of reasons.

The main one is, make up takes up to 10 mins for my sleeping time in the morning. Haha. Biarlah tak nmpak menawan pon kat office :p

p/s: Monitored a well from the first day of drilling until it reached its final depth. I'm one happy operation geologist!

Stealing time

24 hours is never enough for anybody. If only time is sellable, I don't mind spending a fortune on it. Unfortunately, it's not. I'm beginning to lose some quality time, in which I define as me sitting all by myself, preferably drinking coffee while reading a book/surfing the net aimlessly/writing some shite in my diary/play dressed up/singing some songs out-loud while dancing horrendously in front of the mirror/sleep. Honestly, aren't we all trapped in this dilemma as well? And for so many months, I can only ask this question: How the hell do Moms do it? Their job is definitely round the clock; which is why I should not be complaining in this case! I mean, their time is definitely used for others. Respect! That is when I realize I should steal some time. I mean, I drive to work and spend my time doing one thing: driving. But if I take the LRT, I could read a book and listen to my iPod at the same time. And if I'm that good, I would make myself a cup of coffee and just be ready for whatever work has to throw to me that day. I opted for the latter. I do lose some time by doing drive+LRT, but I rather choose this option so that I can relax. Plus I get to save some RM, too. Haha. I witnessed mommies getting ready in the car at the traffic light before. I just need to learn this trick of super-multitasking real fast!

p/s: I guess this girl is not ready to be a mommy. Haha

Crossing lives

The idea is like the movie Sepi or He is just not that into you.

My idea is the world is getting smaller. Everyone of us is related to each other one way or the other and it is interesting how your life crosses mine without me taking a slight notice of it. Or if it is a big deal at all. Just for second, it is. In this globalized world nothing is impossible. Your story is mine and what's mine can be yours. This is not karma; where you believe what goes around comes around. But believe it or not, no reservation is needed today 'cause of the openess we all are. In a simpler piece of mind, how do I begin to know all of you? As is to say it is not a mind-boggling question, but it certainly holds a little sigficance when people say "Alahai keciknye dunia ini". But do we take all this for granted? Much like we did to our lives; when all corners of the world is inviting us to come over. To see and gain something new to love. I would dream that for a second or two. As the world is getting smaller, I want to make a difference; one lasting impression that makes life matters. One where your story changes mine and to live life other than my own. I want our crossing paths to mean something truly beautiful that I shall forever love.

p/s: still in love with SEPI.

"Bisikku kepada Bulan, kembalikan...."

To right a wrong is hard

I'm beginning to see what others are thinking. How other human beings think or behave in certain ways; either to accommodate the sad truth or something they want to believe. I have this small voice telling me I was previously blinded by the reality; that the real world does not exist at some point. However, I was in no position to disregard the real world as I can only hope that everything is very ideal. At least in my eyes. But nothing in this world has a perfect template; one where you can apply to fit everything in accordingly. The answer does not lie on a piece of MCQ sheet; but it is a myriad of blank spaces asking me to fill in what I think is right. At least in my eyes. I cannot be asking all the right questions nor do I have all the right answers. One thing I know my eyes are open. To see that I do not live in this world all by myself and that the study of other human being is an art in its own right. I regret for putting myself ahead of others, but I would not plead guilty to it. Why? 'Cause of human judgment. We are judgmental, more often that not and I do not beg to differ myself from this. I do believe we should reserve a little room for judgement, just to give you some benefit of the doubt. Without it, where is your curious mind? People walk in and walk out of my life as if I'm a shopping mall. But along with that comes a perception. One, two, three and more perceptions. Even the cliche-est quote "Don't judge a book by its cover" holds no significance. To say I don't mind is a lie, too. The sad truth is to right a wrong is hard. What more can I say?

p/s: Love the movie SEPI. Brilliant!

The learning idea

School what?? That was May 2010.

A learning process shouldn't stop. It should continue until the day you die, no matter how awful it sounds. I just thought for once, my life as a student is over. I like being a student 'cause I do feel I was good at being one. The truth is as much as you and I feel life is stagnant at times, it is not. A student life is pretty monotonous and I learn from lectures. I can't believe I miss those things. No worries, no extra effort at all. I would go to class and listen and jot down everything. I may also took so-called short naps here and there. I met some of the best people in my life too. Ahh, good ol' days. Things are different now. I'm no longer a student. I couldn't get student discount anymore. Working life is different! Way different. I face a lot of new things. Some are good and some are not. But I like it because it is different. I find I learn a lot more this way. Ahhh, I will forever be a student in disguise this way.

p/s: I'm looking for a big dinosaur! It's been missing for few weeks now :p

p/ss: I hate watching talking animals.... (I'm watching Narnia at this very instance!!)

Misreading all the signs

This I afraid. What I perceive sometimes could mean the other. Am I to blame for reading the signs wrongly? Rather than putting the blame on someone or myself, I should say this. I’m a very straight forward person. What I say is what I mean. What I show is definitely my nature. I can’t be a chameleon, I’m no good at that. For all I know I maybe stuck in a dilemma for a long time. I perceived things the way they should be perceived. But I realized not everybody is straight forward. They bend their words and actions to make it all so glittery, but hey look far ahead, what do you see? You can bet to see me in confusion. While I’m stuck in this confusion I seek for some support from dear friends. Yes, even people read signs differently. Again, it goes back to there is no damn universal interpretation to any forms of signs (other than road signs). Oh how I wish I can read cards. SO that they can tell me what to do. Superstitious much? I rather not!

p/s: this is not the ideal case

Jauh di Laut China Selatan

I'm leaving everything that is sweet and sour behind because I'm now in MIRI! I can't really describe how I feel at this moment, but if I had to say something I'd say I'm nervous for tomorrow and for the next two weeks. Why? 'Cause my life is taking yet another spin. I'm off to the platform for more than 2 weeks and by that, I mean I'll miss yet another Hari Raya. I guess I can't really ask a lot from my life at the moment 'cause I don't really have a control over it. Right now, I'm just following wherever life is taking me. No worries, no hustle... just do it.

I just got back from a mini tour around Miri with Rok, Faezah and Ariff Shazwan. It was nice of them to take me around. We had kek lapis Cadbury + spider web for bukak puasa. Ahhh! Nak pengsan sedap. Then, we taw-paw nasi lalapan and ate in our hotel room cause the restaurant was full! Right now, I'm not gonna worry about some freaking helicopter ride (yes, I'm nervous for that!) 'cause the kek lapis sangat sedap!

Actually, I've been trying to avoid telling people about me spending two weeks offshore and missing my 5th consecutive Hari Raya this year because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But I'm writing it right here 'cause I don't want you to feel "Farisa gone MIA". As of now, I have a lot of reading to do and I need my shower. So, till the next time folks.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

&

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

(mana2 terkasar bahasa, tersalah budi bicara harap maafkan saye)

Me in my baju raya for this year. Lucky to be wearing size S cause that's the only size available at this moment LOL

Something obvious should be very subtle

There is no point for one to prove something that is obvious. As long as one knows it is there, then it is there. But one seeks for an attention; a chance to be seen because that desperate attempt is all to vie for a pointless point. The deeper this goes, the more important it sounds to thee, but fret not 'cause thy silent aplomb is admirable. It counts to be subtle in your actions. It matters to keep your emotions in line. The bottom line is proving an obvious point is silly and self-belief is the key. What matters is you know it is there.

- FZ

mishaps

from 2 weeks of coughing to flu.

is this from working hard everyday?

i sure hope not cause i intend to do this job for quite some time

p/s: my first pay check is next week! i can't stop thinking of the things i can buy hehe

Past, present and future

At times, I begin to think if I make the right choices

But at 23, regret is not an option eh?

And it's not a life or death matter,

Just a matter of accepting the present.

I need time for this

To go from here to there

And maybe someone can meet me halfway

To remind me why I do this in the first place.

Set the fire to the third bar

This feeling is playing with fire

Toying with it like ignorance, but it is inescapable.

Of that distant dark places only light is the escape.

I just close my eyes and dream. And think

For a second or more …

“When something is so divine, it is the fuel to that fire; the escape from that distant dark places” Then I open my eyes and pray

Pray that I if I fall hard from this dream, an angel would pick me up and hold me.

But this is no peace because this feeling is playing with fire

Words are lingering here and there, shouting and screaming “You fool! You fool!”

And then … I’m here nor there

Confused in my own questions of what and why

Fire is dangerous and it is inescapable.